


You Felt Enough

by Soll



Category: Glee
Genre: (kind of), Friends With Benefits, M/M, Season 3 AU, canon up to the bar scene in the first time, it's an inside joke between me and the fic you'll get it at chapter 5, mentions of drinking - smoking - dave's suicide - gay bashing; all in varying degree, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23969353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soll/pseuds/Soll
Summary: It feels right to kiss Sebastian.Blaine kisses Sebastian after the night at Scandals. It's all about the consequences.or: that's it. that's the whole fic. seven chapters of a classic coming of age romantic story. it's a love letter, really.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 50
Kudos: 139





	1. no proof, one touch

**Author's Note:**

> honestly if you want a decent summary just listen to you are in love by taylor swift

He should have drank more. Drinking smooths his edges, it sweetens his anger into passion, it lets him have fun without relentlessly trying to. He drank enough to be dizzy, but that's what he hates the most. The churning hyper-awareness of how tight he's wound up, all day, every day.

He sighs in his hands and runs them over his face, his hair, getting gel all between his fingers. It's sticky and uncomfortable and he wishes he could just stop being so self conscious about his hair. About his life.

He presses the heel of his hands against his eyes until he sees white. His elbows dig in his thighs, and the sidewalk is hard and uncomfortable to sit on. He's thirsty, and every bit of energy that had followed him from the dance floor is long gone, a phantom buzz skimming only his skin.

It's getting cold. It's the warmest October in years, but he's only wearing a shirt and a pullover and the night is creeping on his neck.

"Blaine?"

His fingers curl up and Blaine breathes, because it's not Sebastian's fault, any of it.

Sebastian is fun, and ridiculous, and smart, and yes- maybe he's a bit shameless, but he hasn't raised a finger on him all night when he could have. Blaine would have let him.

The only reason he's been abandoned on a sidewalk it's himself.

"Are you alright? I know for a fact you haven't drunk that much."

He crosses his arms, curls his fingers around his ribs, look up at Sebastian enough so that he can see Blaine's not freaking out nor crying, but he's just angry. Lonely.

He shivers.

He doesn't say anything as Sebastian sits besides him, still not close enough to touch him, and gets his letterman jacket off. It's Dalton issued, a deep navy blue with wine red writing, and only Sebastian would bring it to a bar. He smiles when Sebastian drapes his jacket around Blaine's shoulders, and he leaves his ribs to hold it close. It's a familiar scent he's suddenly wrapped in, one he's been breathing in all night. Expensive cologne, some whiff of fresh sweat Sebastian has worked up on the dance floor, even the faintest trace of a lemony scent that Blaine would pick up anywhere because it's the smell of Dalton's soap. He melts into it.

"Thank you." he says, and he sounds angry.

"Don't worry about it."

They're silent, car rushing down the streets even at two in the mornings.

He turns to Sebastian, and he isn't surprised to see he's been looked at.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, because he's walked way further than Sebastian would have a cab pick him up.

"Walking home." he answers, and Blaine's mouth dries.

"You live around here?"

"Half an hour away. I'm home for the weekend, I figured I'd walk off the alcohol so that my father will pretend to believe I was at a friend's house."

"John's." Blaine says.

He clutches Sebastian's jacket. Sebastian smirks, but there's something nice beneath it.

"John's. I'm assuming you've used him as a cover before?"

"Yeah. I live down the street from the Diner Train."

"I have no idea where that is." Sebastian smiles. "I'm not around often after all."

"Wait for the summer and the Diner Train will feel like the Holy Land. It's open twentyfour seven and the AC is always on. You're either going to be there or at the mall."

"Mh." Sebastian hums, and Blaine is suddenly aware Sebastian is looking at his lips. He wets them, a quick swipe of his tongue, and he nibbles at the inside of his bottom lip.

"Can't wait to see you there all summer long, then." Sebastian says, and Blaine smiles.

"Not going back to Paris for the holidays?" he taunts, leaning in just a bit.  
Sebastian's jacket slips down Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine breaths in as Sebastian thugs it up.

"I don't know."

"Why did you leave?" Blaine asks.

It's an innocent enough question.

It's overstepping, and Blaine can pretend he didn't knew before he asked, but he did. There's a hint in Sebastian's eyes whenever he talks about Paris, a sweet sharp edge in his words.

"Why are you here?" Sebastian asks back, all sharp angles.

"Tried to make out with my boyfriend, but apparently he doesn't like it when I do that." he knows he's being unfair. That he'll sleep on it and tomorrow morning he'll stop excusing himself for being an ass. But it's still tonight, and it still hurts.

"And he left you to walk home alone?"

Suddenly the jacket's warmth feels suffocating.

"You're walking home alone too." he snaps back.

"I am. But I'm not searching for a fight." Sebastian says, and the anger retreats in waves.

Maybe he is. Maybe that's why he's sitting there on the sidewalk with his legs crossed in the middle of the street, back turned to a park that's the jungle gym of dealers and drunks. Maybe he's trying to dial back and turn his desire into violence.

His skin still crawls. His hands still call for something warm to hold.

"Am I not-" he starts to ask, and he knows what Sebastian's answer will be if he finishes his question. He lets it hang, sulking in Sebastian's scent.

"It's not you who's the problem here, Blaine." Sebastian says, and it's a different voice from before, low and scruffy. "He's the one who let his boyfriend dance with another guy the whole night. He's the one-" he says, and Blaine's eyelashes flutter when finally, finally Sebastian touches him, fingers skimming Blaine's jaw. "Who has you on his side and doesn't get how every second spent not touching you is a waste of time."

Blaine licks the roof of his mouth. He doesn't know when he leaned in. He doesn't know when he let the anger loose, free to loop and twist and become something sweeter, purring low in stomach.

He turns his head in Sebastian's hand until his cheek is resting against Sebastian's cold fingers.

"You deserve someone who wants you, Blaine."

It feels right to kiss Sebastian.

To curl a hand in his shirt and keep the other on his neck, to slot their lips together and press into him, to feel Sebastian's tongue licking at his mouth and not parting his lips quite yet.

Sebastian's hands wander on his thighs, on his waist, on his back, and Blaine tugs him closer, grip at his hair like he'd never dare to do with Kurt, and once that crosses his mind the floodgate breaks.

He parts his lips and curls his tongue around Sebastian's teeth, licks the roof of his mouth. He sucks on Sebastian's tongue, his nails digging in his shoulder, his hand tugging at his hair. He doesn't pull away when Sebastian's hand creeps on his inner thigh, moaning in Sebastian's mouth. It's messy, and Blaine has lost all control, and it's what he needs, what he tried not to need for so long for Kurt, for himself too.

He's never wanted anyone like he wants Sebastian.

And Sebastian wants it maybe even more than Blaine does.

He pulls away just to put his mouth to Sebastian's neck. He licks salt off his skin, sucks where he can trace his vein with his tongue, feels the throbbing of his pulse. Sebastian cranes his neck, a laugh against Blaine's mouth as he holds on to Blaine's hair.

When Sebastian pulls him away Blaine doesn't have the time to catch up. because Sebastian's mouth is on his, his tongue in his mouth. Sebastian kisses him slow, and Blaine sinks against him. He lets Sebastian calm him down, turn scorching heath into warmth, digging nails into sweet strokes of thumbs on skin.

When they pull away Blaine is boneless, he's short of breath, and even if he's achingly hard in his pants he's completely sated.

He smiles when Sebastian kisses him again, a quick almost chaste kiss that takes Blaine's breath away.

"A waste." Sebastian says again against his lips, and Blaine kisses him again.

They both smile as their cheeks slide together and Blaine kisses his jaw.

Sebastian's hands sneaks between them to adjust his jacket back on Blaine's shoulders.

For a fleeting passing moment, Blaine has nowhere else to be.

Sebastian chuckles against his ear and Blaine searches for his eyes.

A car runs down the street.

A night bird chirps in the park.

Sebastian smiles, wide and young.

Blaine's mouth goes dry.

He wipes at his mouth, stumbles back on his feet.

He let this happen.

He made this happen.

Sebastian stands with him and Blaine pushes his jacket on his chest, the hair at his nape standing up in the cold.

"Blaine." he says, and Blaine doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to hear him saying it's just a kiss, it's not a big deal. He knows already, and it makes it all worse how something worth nothing made him feel.

"Don't." he says, and Sebastian listens. He takes the jacket, and he puts it on. Blaine's heart clenches at the sight but he's grateful Sebastian isn't pushing back.

Blaine only looks over his shoulder and nods before he's hugging himself and walking home. He's crying before he even crosses the first street.

.

It's torture.

It's torture to drive to McKinley, it's torture to sit in class, it's torture to pass Kurt down the hallway and having to walk right by him.

It's torture to sit alone in the cafeteria, and to have Rachel only talk to him trough Maria's lines.

It's torture, and he earned every minute of it.

He can't stop replaying the morning he show up to Kurt's house in his head.

His face as Blaine couldn't talk, as he had understood as soon as Blaine had shook his head.

He knew they must have talked, said something to each other, but the truth is Blaine doesn't remember it, doesn't remember anything but Kurt saying Sebastian's name and Blaine's fingers tightening around his keys, buried in the pockets of his jackets.

He only knows he's just ruined his life over a kiss.

.

He puts all of himself in rehearsals. He goes over the line obsessively, he changes his whole interpretation just to go back to the way it was, he sings the songs so many times he has to stop before his voice goes rough. He buries himself in the play, to the point his father offers to help when he comes back from his work trip on Thursday and he finds him going over the same steps for half an hour.

He's ruined everything.

He's ruined his education, his friendships, his relationship.

He's managed to screw over everything, but he can still get this right.

He's gonna give them a hell of a performance.

.

Rachel hugs him as soon as the curtain are closed and it almost feels better than the curtain call. He spins her around, and she laughs in his ear, and a second later Noah's arm is around his shoulder and messing with his hair, and the rush of the applause is still thrumming in his ears. They laugh and yell running backstage, and Blaine bumps into Mike and they hug and Blaine tells Mike how good he's been even if he hasn't seen anything happen, not really, an hour and a half of his life gone in a few breaths.

"Blaine Warbler!" Rachel grabs him by the shoulder as soon as Mike is dragged away by Tina. "You were outstanding!"

"You were amazing!"

"They should get us to Broadway right now!"

"Damn right they should!"

He hugs her again, even if there's no need to. Blaine knows it won't last, but he'll take what he has.

He changes in a rush.

Mike and Tina keep going over some of the steps in the dressing room, messing up on purpose, and Blaine laughs as he searches for his clothes among the piles of fabric on the chairs. He catches sight of Kurt passing by and he turns away, because it doesn't matter how much he wants to tell him he's done a wonderful job, he can't. He's done it for himself.

"Hey, star of the show!" Noah calls throwing him his sweaty stage shirt. "There's a whole team of hunks outside waiting for you for a celebratory orgy."

Blaine's neck heats up but he laughs and throws the shirt back at Noah's face.

"Shut the fuck up, Noah."

"Oh, feisty."

Blaine is very close from flipping him off, but he just changes into his striped henley. He hops into his grey sweatpants and slips in some shoes before running outside, congratulating Quinn and Brittany on his way. He hopes the Warblers loved it. He wants nothing more than that- to know they had a good time.

He jumps on Nick the second he sees him.

It's a blur of hugs and compliments and Trent is suddenly crying and Blaine thinks how extraordinary it feels to have them all there when only a few months before this would be normal. He swallows the lump in his throat and manages to keep smiling until he sees Sebastian.

His heart skips.

He's wearing his uniform, as they all are, and he's holding a bouquet of yellow flowers. Blaine almost doesn't notice, distracted by the violet uneven mark on Sebastian's neck, just under his jaw, high enough his shirt can't cover it. Blaine's mouth dries.

"You were flawless." he says, the brightest smile, and Blaine's mild protest are showered in Warblers praise. He ignores it, hoping he won't look as smug as he feels, and gets the bouquet from Sebastian's arms.

It's a wild array of tulips, daisies, roses and any other conceivable variety of flower that comes in the color yellow. They're beautiful, and they smell like spring.

"Thank you, guys." he smiles, and if it sounds wet he doesn't care.

Nick's grip on his shoulder tightens and Blaine can only look as Sebastian seems to be waiting for something.

His heart speeds up when he spots a single unassuming white cosmos flower. Sebastian must see something on his face that Blaine can't name because his smile gets sweeter when he looks up at him.

"I-" he starts, but it sounds chocked, and it shouldn't.

He's very grateful for Noah calling out for him.

"Come on, Tony! We have a reservation at Breadstixx!"

He looks around the Warblers and he knows he doesn't want to leave without them. He wants to go back to Dalton and play Smash sitting on the floor and eat pizza and drink beer from bottles of tea.

"Can I-" he chokes again, and Sebastian looks at Nick and then back at him.

"You think Breadstixx will be busy Friday night at ten?" Sebastian asks turning to Noah, and Blaine can't believe the audacity. Blaine hides his smile behind his flowers.

"That place is never busy." Noah says right back gaining a few wary faces from the cast.

"What do you say, killer?" Sebastian asks. "Let us treat you tonight?"

Blaine knows he's smiling too wide. That Sebastian made sure he knew he picked something special for him, that every Warblers now know for sure he was the one marking Sebastian's skin, that it's obvious in his eyes how the only thing he wants to do is take Sebastian's hand and find a crane they can fit into and kiss him.

"Sure." he says.

After all, there is no reason for him not to kiss Sebastian anymore.

.

"Your new guy is hot." Noah says slipping his trail in front of Blaine.

"Pardon me?" he asks, a blush creeping up his neck.

"Tall meerkat thing. For opening night. Bet he knows his moves."

"Excuse me?" Blaine varies on the theme.

"The shark can recognize his kin, it's what I'm saying. Good for you, maybe you'll loosen up a bit. You walk around like you've a stick in your ass all the time."

Blaine blinks. In rapid succession.

Noah waves him off before chewing a bite off the Special Monday Burger. Blaine eats at a bite of his extra chicken salad.

"What I'm saying is I don't get what all the fuss is about. We've all screwed each other. Repeatedly. And by the end of the week we all come together with a big musical number about being a family and shit. I don't get why they're making a special case out of you. Mike neither, but Tina has him on a leash. However I do suspect Tina is only on Kurt's side because Mercedes is on Kurt's side. Quinn doesn't really care either way so I'd say sit next to her in Math. You take AP calc, right? Brittany I don't understand, so stay away from her, and it's always a good idea to stay away from Santana unless you want to fuck her. Don't even talk to Finn. Or look at him. Rachel on the other hand could be reasoned with. She didn't like the Warbler embargo yesterday night but she clearly likes you and she feels guilty she has to take Kurt's side. Was that all?"

"Uh." Blaine says, lips parted and his eyes set on Noah.

"Fine, quick recap: Quinn, okay. Mike, okay but away from Tina. Tina okay if you go trough Mike first. I'll help. I mean, since you're stuck here and you're not Kurt's accessorize anymore you might want some friends."

Blaine has some qualms with the phrasing, but really he is quite touched.

He hasn't really talked to anyone before, and he surely didn't think someone would start after he had broken two hearts with one nice move wrapped in a Dalton blazer.

"Unless you're moving back to Dalton." Noah adds like he's just received an epiphany.

Blaine squirms uncomfortably in his seat.

It's everything he's thought about for the last week.

It's really the reason he dived into the school musical, to prove that McKinley could be good to him and he could be good for McKinley.

"I can't." he says, tilting is head. "Even if I wanted. Not now, at least. I could make a case for next semester but Dalton's transferring policies are strict."

"Kurt did back and forth like four times."

"That's because he was a special transfer. Dalton allows easier get in and out if you're just moving from a potentially dangerous situation, that's why I could transfer here the day before the term started. Technically it was a reinstatement. If I were to go back I'd have to file in papers and get on the acceptance list. And frankly? They way I left? At best they'd let me in next year. Maybe."

He plays with his food, but he doesn't miss Noah's quirked eyebrow.

"You were a special transfer?"

"Mh-mh." Blaine nods, before changing the subject to the History test.

.

He doesn't have Sebastian's number and he hasn't checked his facebook chat.

Blaine has to put on his best tight henley to go and pick him up at a seedy gay bar in Lima, Ohio, to see him.

It's fitting, in a way.


	2. your fears and your ghosts

Making out with Sebastian is the best part of his week, even if it's against the back of a lone building where the odds to be interrupted by two other men having sex are sky high. Not that him and Sebastian are having sex in a back alley, but they're having something- Sebastian's hand has slipped in his black briefs quite a few minutes earlier, urgent strokes like Sebastian's getting himself off.

It crosses Blaine's mind as Sebastian is biting his neck that he never offered a hand. He chuckles against Sebastian's hairline and tucks him closer by his waist, Sebastian's dick hard against Blaine's hipbone. Blaine sneaks his hands under Sebastian's shirt, fingers digging in the muscles of his back, swift and toned, and pretty much anything between his bones and Blaine's hands. Sebastian's skinny, the way people who grew too fast are.

"Blaine-" Sebastian moans in his ear, round drawled sounds that drive Blaine crazy.

"Like that." Blaine says, thrusting against Sebastian's hands, making sure he's rubbing against Sebastian, giving something back.

He wants Sebastian to come like that, untouched, just because it's Blaine he's jerking off, just because it's Blaine who's kissing him.

The kisses are Blaine's favorite part. It's effortless, the way their lips catch against each other.

He bites Sebastian's bottom lip hard enough to make him wince when Sebastian moves his wrist just a bit slower, just a bit to the left- and maybe it's the angle that does it, maybe it's the pressure of hips and hands and dicks jammed together, maybe it's Sebastian not wanting to give Blaine what he wants, deciding he still has the upper hand in this, but Blaine's vision goes white under Sebastian's hand.

Sebastian starts pulling away abruptly, but Blaine isn't going to let him go anywhere.

"What about you?" he asks before Sebastian can says his goodbyes with an it's been fun, just to disappear back inside Scandals. His fingers nibble with the cold buttons of Sebastian's jeans, but Blaine has no intention of letting him win.

He only opens the top button, palming him firmly. Sebastian chuckles like he sometimes does before he bites.

"So generous. To think they tell you only take."

Blaine groans, grinding his thigh against Sebastian's dick. He's hard and panting in Blaine's ear, but Blaine knows he's danced this dance before and knows how to hold off.

"You shouldn't listen to a word Logan says. All lies." he offers his worst kept closest secret to Sebastian's ear. Sebastian kisses him again, and Blaine dives into it, tongue and teeth and he's getting hard again already.

"So you're saying you didn't leave him in the hot summer night in the back of his truck with his dick untouched after he jerked you off and offered a blowjob?" Sebastian retorts just when Blaine can feel him quivering. Blaine blushes, only then, because Sebastian has a way to say things and make it sound like he's just interrupted a family dinner.

"Well, considering it never happened, who can say. Maybe I did, maybe we fucked." he says refusing to let Sebastian go.

Sebastian melts into him when Blaine decides to concede him a compromise and undo Sebastian's jeans, touching him over his brief.

"I thought you were a Christian virgin." Sebastian sounds breathless against his ear.

"Christian virgin?" Blaine laughs, committing to memory the feeling of another men's dick in his hand, underwear sticking to his hand.

But Sebastian can't answer, not when he's busy moaning and taking short hot breaths over Blaine's jaw, and his had his gripping Blaine's hair like he's not wearing half a bottle of gel.

When Sebastian's hand comes over to join Blaine's, shaky fingers and warm palm still wet with Blaine's drying come, Blaine smiles and let Sebastian guide him into the same hurried pace he had enjoyed touching Blaine at.

By the time Sebastian's done, Blaine is hard again and too busy losing himself in a kiss that will lead nowhere, laughing and smiling and nibbling, to remember he had posed a question.

.

"What's a Christian virgin?" Blaine asks Sebastian the next Friday in the parking lot of Scandals where Sebastian is busy flirting with an older guy with wavy hair.

He's cute, and Blaine would understand if Sebastian'd decide to pass on last Friday's price for him, but Sebastian cut the other guy off like they weren't in the middle of a conversation.

"You are." Sebastian answers without missing a beat, taking only the time to reach him halfway to kiss Blaine full on the mouth. Blaine thoroughly licks Sebastian's mouth.

"I'm only Christian on holidays."

"Don't take me literally."

Blaine pouts and Sebastian kisses him on the cheek. Blaine frowns when there's no playful lick, no other messy kiss to follow. He stares as Sebastian pulls away, takes his hand to drag him not to the bar but back to Blaine's car.

"Sebastian-" Blaine calls, following him like the owner of a dignified enthusiastic puppy on a too tight leash. "You don't answer me, I'm not unlocking that car."

Sebastian turns with a smirk that makes Blaine rolls his eyes before he even opens his mouth.

"If you have a thing for exhibitionism you can just say it. You don't have to craft excuses for it."

Blaine laughs and crashes into Sebastian for a kiss before he even hears the rich, reassuring click of the car door unlocking.

They're in the backseat a second later, Sebastian's head probably hurting for a couple of bad bumps and Blaine's left leg too close to a cramp for comfort. It's worth nothing when they're laughing in each others mouth, t-shirts riling up and buttons getting undone.

"It's a technical virgin." Sebastian says when Blaine wastes no time in sticking in his hands down Sebastian's pants and has once more forgotten his question. "Someone who does this-" he lulls in his mouth, hips jutting forward in Blaine's hand and gleaming greengrayblue eyes looking at him in the scarce streetlight. "But since no real sex happens-" he mocks in a way that makes Blaine smile "still sells himself as a virgin".

"I don't sell myself as a- _mh_." Blaine manages around Sebastian's fingers in his mouth, before sucking on them, not sure where it'll lead or if Sebastian just likes getting his fingers licked. Blaine wouldn't necessarily mind indulging him, if that was the case, but maybe he would insist in a bit more courtesy.

Turns out everything Sebastian does has a purpose, and Blaine soon learns he's a wet jerk off kind of guy, Sebastian stroking himself once before Blaine is allowed to have fun.

"Did he know about L-"

Blaine knows how that sentence will end, so he shuts Sebastian up forcefully, with a kiss that's aimed to make Sebastian forget he even has a name.

There's a purpose to most things Blaine does, too.

.

He hasn't really told his parents he broke up with Kurt.

They never saw him around the house anyway- it was always Blaine who was over at Kurt's, and since Kurt's time simply became having-Christan-sex-with-Sebastian's time no one has really noticed.

So when his father says they're all going to a fancy business dinner and that Blaine can bring Kurt if he wants to since he knows it's going to be long and pointless and boring and really Blaine, I wished I could tell you to stay home but it's important and Marisa doesn't think you can be a good person if you don't have a couple of kids, I really have to ask- Blaine blanks out.

It's like getting kicked in the stomach with a dress shoe, and Blaine knows all too well the feeling of it.

"We broke up." he manages to say, calmer than he had expected it to sound.

It had to become real sooner or later anyway.

"Oh."

The silence is only cut by sound of the television, some tv series Cooper starred as background cop number 2, but that got Blaine's mother hooked.

"Well, I never really liked him." Pam says even if it's a lie.

"Me neither." Richard says because finally, he can.

"I made out with a guy on a sidewalk because I felt like he didn't want me. It's hardly him you shouldn't like." Blaine says because it's true.

"Oh, honey-" Pam laughs, suddenly cheery. "I've gotten a divorce because I felt like a man didn't want me. It's exactly him I shouldn't like. Do you think the chicken is bland?"

"It's chicken." Richard says with a frown "When is it not bland?."

"Since when don't you like chicken?"

"It's not like I don't like it, it's just not my favorite- Blaine, are you alright?"

Blaine breaks in a laugh against his hand, and it takes so little to crumble in tears and a choked troath that makes it hard to breath. He laughs too, hugging his mother back when she side hugs him with a kiss on his head.

"I'm fine." he manages, and it's a lie but it won't be forever.

"Is it only this, or-" Richard tries to find the courage to bring up, but Blaine shakes his head.

"School is good. I mean, it's not Dalton, but it's not Blue High State either."

His mother hugs him tighter. His father actually reaches out to grip Blaine's hand.

It makes Blaine sick most of the good things in his life came after being beaten down in a parking lot until he could only breath blood.

"You let us know if there's any problem, yes?" Richard says in that reassuring baritone voice that Blaine fell asleep to for many years before Cooper decided it was on him to read his baby brother goodnight stories.

Blaine nods, and he means it, but he knows his parents need to hear him say it out loud.

"I will." he says, and his father let go of his hand and his mother of his shoulders, and all of a sudden they're back to talk about chicken meat.

.

"Don't look at me like that." Sebastian says over a neon blue drink. "You know I'm right."

Blaine takes a sip off his beer playing with the cardboard coaster. There's a quality in Sebastian's mischievous glint, how lighthearted he sounds piling on a poor kid for auditioning for a solo with the Rum Tum Tugger song.

"It's a bold choice." he says, wrapping his words around the too bitter beer he keeps buying because he likes how it plays off next to Sebastian's extravagant drinks. "It denotes that he's not afraid to expose himself."

"It denotes-" Sebastian mocks his mockery "-that all he should be auditioning for is a spot at the karaoke bar for the third wedding of his dear aunt Christine." Blaine snorts against his better judgment. "And it's not the first time he pulls one like this. Last time was Little Lamb from Gypsy, B. How do you go from that to Cats? I mean, you can't blame me for thinking he's got a fur suit in his room."

Blaine shouldn't like it, how Sebastian simply doesn't care enough to be kind. It refreshing nonetheless, that levity in his words, the way he looks either hopelessly bored or maliciously chipper.

Sebastian's hand brushes Blaine's when he takes the beer from his hand. "Ew," he grimaces right away "how do you drink this?"

"It's a bit bitter, but it's beer."

"Nice alliteration, Anderson. And that's precisely my point, beer sucks."

"Than why are you drinking mine?"

"Because my drink looks pretty but tastes awful." Blaine is expecting an on brad jokes about the average dance floor goers, but Sebastian's voice gets scruffy.

"And I like the aftertaste." His smile is ridiculous. "But it just doesn't cut it when I'm not liking it off your tongue."

It just down south so quickly Blaine can just ignore the rush of blood and escape from Sebastian's gaze. There's a fondness behind his insufferable smugness, like he's content from having made Blaine a mess alone.

"Maybe we shouldn't be wasting our time with drinks then." Blaine says at his best sober slurty, because he know how to play this game too and has no reason not to and whole lot reasons to.

Sebastian is the first to break trough the anticipation with a small chuckle, and Blaine gets on his feet expecting for Sebastian to do the same. Instead he finds Sebastian still in his seat, looking up at him.

It makes a guy feel special, that smile Sebastian has.

"Come on." he mouths, hand in his pocket already reaching for the keys of his car.

It's all it takes for Sebastian to stand up with his usual casual grace, like he has no hurry in the world.

.

"Do you suck dick?" Noah asks when Blaine is about to bite in his burger.

Mike sighs before eating a handful of fries who escaped their carton.

"Why do you care?" Blaine asks, because he's on a personal quest to make Noah realize that he can't just ask things when they cross his mind, not really caring about the answer either.

Noah shrugs after shoving half of his first burger down his throat.

"It sounds disgusting."

"You sound disgusting." Blaine says referring to him talking with his mouth full, at the same time Mike says "Girls do it".

Blaine really doesn't want to hear about Tina and Mike's sex life or Noah's opinion on it, so he zones out and looks at the familiar parking lot of the Diner Train as he eats his fried chicken burger.

Part of him still hasn't processed the easy way Mike has said they could go out somewhere near his house since he's always the one having to make the long trip back in the night. It's a thirty two minutes drive to Mike's house in good weather, it's raining buckets, and still Mike didn't bat an eye when he drove the extra ten minutes to pick Noah up.

Blaine skipped Scandals for the second Friday.

He briefly wonders what Sebastian's up to, and if he's going to ever admit that he orders the weird bright drinks because the fruity taste covers the alcohol.

He blinks repeatedly when he sees a lanky guy running out of a cab straight to the Diner's door, jeanjacket held over his head to catch some of the rain.

"What?" Noah asks turning without second to follow Blaine's gaze.

"Uhm-" he says as the bells on the diner door chime. "Sebastian."

"Bro!" Noah calls out like they've been best friends since kindergarten, turning in his seat to look at him standing in the entrance.

Mike sighs, but Blaine shrugs. He doesn't mind saying hi. Apparently neither does Sebastian, since he doesn't waste time to reach them and stand there with his hair damp and windswept, wearing sweatpants and a Dalton white tee.

"Hi, Blaine. Hello, Blaine's friends." he says, looking straight at him. "I was just looking at a very fancy car in the parking lot when I said wait a second, I've been in that car. What's up? Haven't seen you around." Blaine chuckles and doesn't protest when Sebastian sits down next to him taking up too much space.

"Glee practice." he says.

"Debate." Mike adds.

"Soccer." Puck points out.

"I've been busy." Blaine says under his lashes.

He sees the kiss coming, Sebastian eyes turning dark and his smile softer, and he's safe and with friends and he knows the waiting staff by name, and still he looks around before leaning into it, his fingers twitching and the roof of his mouth dry.

It's different to kiss Sebastian in the family friendly lights of the Diner Train, but it feels good nonetheless, the heath pooling in his stomach a little lighter, a little playful. They don't drag it, but Blaine gets a bite off his lower lip and Sebastian places his hand on his tight.

"Well, hope you won't be for much longer." Sebastian says. "I'm aware he's the hottest catch around, but leave a piece of him for me." he adds with a wink to Mike and Noah, and Blaine sometimes forget Sebastian does things like that.

Sebastian's nose looks pretty from the side.

He offers to drive Sebastian home, then he drives to a small private street no one cares about just where the town ends and the fields begin. Sebastian's climbing in the backseat before Blaine has even parked.

"I missed you." Sebastian says in that scruffy voice he uses to chat Blaine up, his hands working at Blaine's belt. "Let me show you just how much?"

Blaine still falls for it every time.

He nods, his skin crawling as Sebastian smiles sweetly and steals a quick kiss he brings down his neck, to the hollow of Blaine's throat, to his sternum.

Blaine holds his breath when Sebastian stops there, his thumbs making circles on Blaine's hips. Sebastian kisses his chest again over his sweater, and yet Blaine can feel it cooling down his heated skin.

Ever so slowly, Blaine cards his hand trough Sebastian's hair, feel the texture of the strands until he's curling his fingers where's Sebastian's neck meet his shoulders. His skin is cold, smooth, and Blaine scratches his nails across Sebastian's spine.

Whatever it is that's come to be, it's so peaceful and innocent that makes Blaine want to curl into it and fall asleep.

He's terrified.

Then he blinks and it's all gone, Sebastian pushing him back and up with a wicked smile.

"You have to sit up, this car can't take my legs." he says, and Blaine laughs and does just that, heat pooling in his stomach when Sebastian thugs his sweater up.

He gets his hand back in Sebastian's hair when quick lips steal a kiss just above the waistband of his brief.

"Not the lady's fault if you're shaped like a noodle." Blaine says, very seriously, because it's exactly the thing to say when Sebastian is mouthing his dick trough his underwear, fingers digging in Blaine's thighs.

Sebastian is up in Blaine's space in a heartbeat, curled up around him like he has every intention of getting comfortable there.

Blaine licks the bridge of Sebastian's nose before he knows that's something he wants to do.

"You could have just told me to stop, you don't need to insult my perfect form."

"I didn't want you to stop." Blaine says with a breezy voice that doesn't belong to him.

"Mh." Sebastian hums, and Blaine turns to avoid another kiss, because Sebastian's kisses make him lost.

"I guess-" he drawls, as scruffy as it gets, and Blaine knows it's going to be something stupid so he doesn't waste time waiting before laughing. "I'm just afraid you'll leave me here all alone in the back of your car with a broken heart and an empty mouth."

"You mouth will never be empty, Sebastian." he says, pushing his chest to look Sebastian in his eyes. "Not with all the stupid stuff you say."

"I really thought you were calling me a slut for a second there, Anderson." Sebastian muses getting comfortable on the backseat, tugging Blaine's elbow so that he'll follow.

Blaine does, throwing his legs over Sebastian's lap, an arm on Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian's hand doesn't let go, reaching down to Blaine's fingers, crossing them together on Blaine's knee.

"Never. I prefer to take advantage of it." Blaine jokes, scrunching his nose up.

Sebastian's jacket is soft where he's stroking circles in it.

Sebastian's kiss is softer on his lips.

Blaine is terrified again, but he's brave enough to wheather it.

"You were right." Sebastian breaths against his lips, his thumb skimming back and forth the back of Blaine's hand. "The Diner Train is as good as I could expect for a diner in Ohio to be."

"Do you even know how to make a compliment?" Blaine squints, not shying away from Sebastian's warm eyes.

"You're gorgeous."

Blaine needs to run.

"You're welcome, Annie." Sebastian says to whatever face Blaine must be making, light and airy, with yet another nickname. "And let me finish my line. Since you were right and the Diner is nice, if you happened to know any other half decent place around the block, I could consider gracing it with my presence."

Sebastian can't mean what Blaine is hearing.

He can't, because if he is, than Blaine will have to run.

"I do." he smiles, a perfect note, a perfect small smile.

He hides in a kiss before Sebastian can make out his face in the dark.

He licks the roof of Sebastian's mouth.

Just like that he doesn't feel the need to run anymore.

Here he can stay.

.

He's got Sebastian's number in his phone.

Sebastian punched it in and took five thousand selfies and left them all on Blaine's camera roll while Blaine drove him home, before saying goodbye with a kiss on Blaine's cheek that burned Blaine from the inside.

He chose one where he looks really good for his profile, and then chose one more for Blaine's background. It's slightly blurry, and he's just smiling, eyes crinkled at the corner because of something Blaine said to make fun of him.

He changes it back the second Sebastian is out of his car.

.

It's almost Christmas break when Tina sits next to him in chem, blabbering about costumes and how bossy Rachel is, and how cute Blaine looks in that cream colored sweater oh my god this feels so expensive. It would, Sebastian's whole wardrobe of basics would cost more than her car- and yet he chooses to wear fraying jeans and cheap rugby shirts with it. Everything leads to Sebastian, even when he should be wondering why Tina is suddenly talking to him like they've ever been friends.

Then it's Finn asking for his opinion in Glee club, and Rachel's nails digging into his biceps as she books him for a duet for their next assignment like she's been waiting to do that since forever.

It all makes sense at the end of the day, Noah inviting himself for a shotgun ride in Blaine's car since Mike is busy with his wife. They're crossing the parking lot, arguing about Noah newest girl downtown and whether or not she should really know about Noah's other fifty girls in school, when Blaine hears a squeal and some giggles. He turns to see Tina, Rachel and Mercedes failing at being quiet just a step behind Kurt, who's covering his mouth and has his arms close to his chest like he does when he's embarrassed, and Blaine would know it, because some months ago and a few degree more he's been that guy in front of him with a surprise gift. But it's now, and they're wearing warm clothes that aren't enough to take the bite off the cold, and it's a boy in a beanie who's holding up a flower and a CD to Kurt's face, waiting for outwards emotions that won't come, because Kurt doesn't do that, doesn't search for people, not even when he's been found and he should just stick a hand out.

"You're totally winning." Puck says and Blaine doesn't even turn to him.

"What could you possibly mean?" he asks anyway, because Noah is his new charity case.

"The ex game. Your man scores way higher."

"I think high-fiving you when you make a joke about getting more cream with your pie at the waitress would actually score him lower for a lot of people." Blaine replies, staring as Kurt and his new boyfriend hold hands. "And he's not my man."

"Good for you, plenty of fishes in the sea."

Blaine shakes his head and says nothing, ignoring Noah as he chats away about the time he almost had a foursome with three identical twins. It's a short drive to Noah's house, and he almost doesn't wait for him to close the car door behind him before he's off again, taking his chances with a speeding ticket.

He doesn't know how he feels about Kurt moving on, and it eats him up that he doesn't hurt, doesn't want to cry over what he lost, because now he's forced to face the one thing he's never wanted to.

Because for how guilty he's felt, for how he missed Kurt and heard his laugh and his voice in his head for days, for how he wished he hadn't walked home alone that night- the truth is, he's never thought about searching for forgiveness.

He never tried to apologize, tried to win Kurt back.

He's taken the hurt, taken the tears over a future he lost his chance at, and put it all away, to be stored and forgotten.

He could lie, convince himself he did it because he thought it unforgivable, how could he ever do something to repair it. That there wasn't an hesitation in Kurt's eyes on the threshold of his house, that Blaine just hasn't tried because it was the mature thing to do.

But to do it, he would have to take off Sebastian's sweater and stash it away.

He would have to tell himself that Sebastian's mouth, Sebastian's hands, Sebastian's ribs under his fingertips, had been nothing but a replacement for what he couldn't have with Kurt.

He could do that, even. Tell himself over and over that he's not that kind of guy that puts sex before love.

But he is.

Blaine can still recall that kiss on the sidewalk like he's living it now- Sebastian's pulse under his hand as they kissed, Sebastian's mouth against his skin, the way Sebastian's neck tasted, Sebastian's hair slipping away from his fingertips.

The way they had found each other without effort.

Just to have that again, Blaine had thought between a car rushing down the street a few birds chirping, he would sacrifice anything.

And he had.

He sends Sebastian a text at a red light.


	3. morning, his place

It feels appropriate to celebrate Sebastian's brand new driving license in a bar where his official name is Lawrence Ford.

"You know, when you told me to pick you up for the night, I thought you had in mind something better to drive to than a place I can't get drunk in." Sebastian sulks over his coke sans rum.

"I wanted you to know the small joys of a rite of passage. Cheers!"

Sebastian's sarcastic laugh is weak, and Blaine leans over to kiss the corner of his mouth when he's done with his toast. Sebastian turns into it without hesitation, tongue licking at Blaine's. Someone whistles and Sebastian laughs against his mouth. Blaine just kisses him some more, his hand on Sebastian's tight.

It always gives him a rush, to know there's somewhere he can kiss Sebastian without worrying who's watching.

"Want to dance?" Sebastian asks, and Blaine can see on Sebastian's face the moment he understands Blaine's not done with his fun yet.

"Mh. I might want another drink first."

"You're spoiling all my fun, Anderson. I hope you know it."

"Oh, I know. Gotta keep you grounded."

"I did pass the test in an astonishingly short amount of time."

"You also crashed your father's car against a the garage wall."

Sebastian points at him and Blaine swats him away. No pointing allowed.

"That was when my dad threw me behind the wheel of a stick shift without telling me which pedal did what. Besides, it's not my fault if you let children drive dangerous vehicles in this country." he takes another swing at his coke like it's poison. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just waiting for the inevitable _the way we do it in Paris_."

"I don't talk like that."

Blaine scrunches his nose. "Sure."

"I've had enough of you." Sebastian pronounces putting down his glass. "Let's go dancing before my disdain for you taints how hot you look under neon lights."

Blaine laughs and takes Sebastian's hands to the dance floor.

Dancing with Sebastian is a joy. It's been since the first time they did, when Sebastian didn't sneak his hand under Blaine's shirt to hold him close, when his eyes still drifted away from Blaine.

He trips mid step on the thought. Sebastian's there to catch him.

"Easy there, killer. They'll think I'm taking advantage of you."

"Sorry. My head's spinning a bit. Gonna catch a bit of fresh air."

"Okay. This songs sucks anyway."

"No." Blaine says, too quickly.

Sebastian looks confused, but he says nothing.

"Uhm, I mean. You can stay. Dance away. I'll be back in a second."

"You sure you're all right?"

"Positive." he smiles, bringing Sebastian's head down for a long close mouthed kiss. "Have fun without me."

Sebastian still looks like he's trying to figure out a riddle.

"I'll try."

It sounds so disingenuous Blaine laughs even if he's suddenly short of breath.

Blaine doesn't look behind him before stepping out on the porch. The music's is almost gone as soon as the door clicks behind him. He likes that about Scandals, that the music isn't as loud as maybe it should be. Two men are making out not far off, a guy that must have a fake ID in his pocket is smoking on the other side of the porch, and a drag queen is smoking a cigarette with a mouthpiece as she argues with the bouncer that faux fur is just plastic and what she's wearing is one hundred percent ethically sourced fur.

Blaine didn't bother checking out his jacket, but he's still wearing his favorite thick maroon cardigan and it's enough for the night. He doesn't really think about much, and when the guy walks up to him and asks him if he wants a smoke, he says yes.

He doesn't inhale, nursing the smoke in his mouth before blowing it out.

"You know, I've been hoping to catch you alone." the guy says almost bouncing, and Blaine takes another draw and looks at him under his eyelashes.

He'scute in dorkish way, with retro framed glasses and blonde hair that are curly in the way that makes Blaine jealous.

"Yeah?" he asks, and the guy nods biting his lip.

"Yeah, I think you're really good looking." he says like he can't believe he's doing it.

Blainebrushes it off with a unconvincing wave of his hand that Sebastian would have immediately clocked as false modesty. It's nostalgic in a way that aches, smoking with a cute guy that's into him a few feet from a party.

"Sorry, am I being rude?" he asks when Blaine doesn't answer. "I know you're always here with Sebastian, but I thought I'd give it a try."

"You know him?" Blaine asks with a smile, hugging his ribs with an arm. He flickers the cigarette in his hand.

"Not really. I talked to him once but-" he shrugs, and he seems more embarrassed than upset.

Blaine takes another hit and exhales slowly.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to with it. And it wasn't that bad. He just told me if he liked rats he'd get a pet mouse."

Blaine bites the inside of his cheek.

"He just-"

"No, I don't care, really. It's a good story to tell my friends when I'm drunk."

"Well-" Blaine nurses in his mouth. "I think you're cute."

The guy chuckles and a moment passes.

Blaine always liked the smell of nicotine, the same way he likes the one of daises and pine trees. He smells it better when it's on his tongue.

He wonders if Sebastian will like it in his mouth.

"I'm not getting your number, am I?" the guy asks, and Blaine scrunches his nose in an apology.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry, I get it."

"It's not about you. I really think you're cute. And it's not about Sebastian either. It's just-" Two truths, one lie, one question.

He takes another shot. It's almost burning off. The guy finishes his and takes another out. If he's bothered by Blaine frowning while he blows off smoke himself, he doesn't show it.

"There's a guy I kind of like at my school." he says, and Blaine listens. "He kind of likes me, too, but he's in the football team and- he can't risk it. He won't."

"Than why are you here picking up strangers?" Blaine asks playfully, and he shakes his head.

"Because I would. Risk it. For him." he says.

Blaine takes a breath of cold air.

"Listen,-"

"Nigel."

"Nigel, I think it's great you're ready to come out. But, there are risks, and ultimately it's something you should do for yourself, not someone else. If he's not ready, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you enough. More likely than not, he's the one suffering the most about not holding your hand in public." he takes the last drag and stubs out the cigarette on the metal railway. "I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear. And if you're really ready, do it. Tell your friends. Live your life. Maybe he'll see you're happier and follow trough. Monkey see, monkey do."

"You're good at this." Nigel laughs, and Blaine smiles.

"Trust me, it's a lot easier when it's other people's lives you have to sort out."

Nigel laughs again, and Blaine holds out his hand.

"Come on, give me your phone." he squints. "Looks like you're getting my number after all."

He's pinching out the last digit when when the door opens and Sebastian walks trough it. He looks mildly inconvenienced. Blaine frowns when he gets close enough that he can make up a large stain on his deep red shirt.

"Why am I not surprised-" he smiles, giving back Nigel his phone. "that you have gotten a drink spilled on you?"

"Because you always think the worst of me." Sebastian says sardonically.

"What happened?" Blaine asks, voice going soft because he can't really help it.

"Nothing much. A guy kept trying to grope me, I called him off, another guy looking a lot like the baby from the Rugrats came up. Turns out they're having a thing with each other, and since I've been deemed the resident slut, the drink landed on me and not him."

"Why can't I leave you alone for five seconds?"

"More like the whole night. See you've made friends." he says with a dismissive glance to Nigel, and Blaine wishes he had accepted a second cigarette.

"Be nice." he says, and Sebastian arches his eyebrows.

"Okay. Hi, dude who was getting Blaine's number. Nice to meet you."

"Sebastian."

"What?" he says, sticking out his hand to Nigel.

Nigel takes it, seemingly having a field. Blaine is suddenly really tired.

"I'm Nigel. I've asked Blaine for some advice. He was nice enough to listen to me."

"Yeah, he likes his charity cases."

"Sebastian." he says, louder.

"What?" Sebastian sneers. "You've been laughing your ass off every time I pick on Philip the furry freshman, Anderson. Don't be playing Dan Savage now because for once you're actually around when I say something mildly offensive."

Blaine knows it. That's why he meant the apologize that Nigel dismissed.

He knows what he wants to say. That he doesn't enjoy Sebastian being mean but the casual way he talks, how little weight he can give things. That he has something Blaine had in short supply even before ending up in a hospital bed.

"Maybe I should go." Nigel says. "Thanks, Blaine."

He swallows and nods at him go. Sebastian just stares.

"What do you from me, Sebastian?" he asks when he doesn't stop.

"Nothing, Blaine." he says like Blaine should know. "Absolutely nothing."

He walks off, and Blaine sighs and winces when he gets his fingers sticky on gel when he tries to run his hand trough it. He turns and follows after Sebastian, because what else he's going to do.

"Sebastian." he drawls. "Where are you going?"

"Home.” he says. "I don't wait to wait for a cab, and we wouldn't risk me be rude at someone else tonight anyway, right?"

"Sebastian, if you want to walk it off it's fine, but-" he points behind him. "You kind of drove here."

"I-" Sebastian starts, and Blaine risks taking a few steps. "Know that."

"Of course."

"Fuck off."

Blaine laughs and drops his gaze. A car runs down the street, and Blaine takes a deep breath. He can still taste the smoke in his mouth.

"Sebastian, it's not you being mean that I like. It's not the one liners, or even the stories. I just like-" you. "the way you talk. I like how tall you stand, and how unaffected you are by anything. God, Sebastian, you have a confidence that's infectious. And I get it. I get that you feel better than anything this town can offer you. How could you not?" he said hardly nothing and he feels out of breath.

Hethinks maybe Sebastian will have something, anything to say, but he's just looking. Listening.

Blainetakes another breath.

"And I don't want you to lose it." he takes another step, enough that he has to crane his neck to look up at Sebastian. "Sebastian, do you know why I transferred? Not this year. To Dalton?"

"Not really."

Blaine exhales slowly.

"I went to the Sadie Hawkins dance of my school. With a friend. A male friend."

Sebastian eyes widen and he looks to the side and Blaine reaches out, rest his knuckles on Sebastian's stomach.

"Blaine, it's not fair to-"

"I'm not telling you because I think you'd ever want to do something like that." he says, surely.

"But, I don't want you to end up saying or doing something that's just a little over the edge. Yes, a lot of people won't care that a random hot guy who forgets he drove to places was a smart ass to them-" he raises his voice over Sebastian's laugh. "but- you never know what's too much for people to handle. Not everyone is like you. Look at you, you got a drink spilled over yourself and you're fine."

Sebastian's abs tense up against his hand, and Blaine drops a beat.

"Sebastian, are you all right?"

"Yes." he nods, surely. "It's not the drink, or the name calling. If I cared about people calling me a whore I'd go live in an Amish community."

Blaine's laugh sounds dull, and he runs his hand to the loop of Sebastian's jeans. Sebastian leans in the thug and takes Blaine's face in his hands, his hands cold and large, and Blaine tries desperately to forget that if it wasn't the drink, if it wasn't the name calling, then it had to be-

"Sebastian-" he breaths in his mouth.

"Yes?" Sebastian asks, kissing the corner of his mouth.

"Don't we have a new car to take out for a test drive?" he mouths to Sebastian ear, and just like that Sebastian laughs without a care in the world and Blaine can stand straight again.

**.**

**Hi** , he writes to Sebastian on December 21st.

**My parents are officially off to a cruise the day after Christmas until January 3 rd**

**You'll be able to stretch your legs all you want to for a while**

**Consider it a Christmas gift**

_[Sebastian is writing...]_

_I thought you were going too_

**Why would I?**

_It's Christmas, I assumed it would be a family thing_

**You assumed wrong**

**It's a couple thing**

_[Sebastian is writing...]_

_I'm in Paris until the New Year_

**[Blaine is writing...]**

**Okay**

**See you next year then**

**Have fun in Paris**

_[Sebastian is writing...]_

**[Blaine is writing...]**

**Do you indeed have girlfriends in any dock like any good sailor?**

Blaine doesn't know what possessed him to ask.

He knows. It's the irrational, visceral feeling that it would be wrong for Sebastian to touch anyone else.

_[Sebastian is writing...]_

_Just one_

Blaine smiles behind his hand. Christmas carols are playing from his the radio as the engine purr even if he's parked under Mike's flat, to keep the heath on.

_Can we see each other before I leave?_

_It's been forever_

**It's been four days**

_Didn't know you spelled forever differently in Lima, Ohio_

_The more you know_

**Careful**

**You're starting to sound clingy**

_I want you_

**I want you, too**

_Come over_

The thought of going back to the dorms hurts so much Blaine can't process it, not there not then not ever, and when the phone buzzes in his hand again Blaine takes one two three shorts breaths.

It's an address four streets away from Blaine's house.

He texts Mike he won't make it, and when he checks his phone at a red light it's an audio message of Noah screaming obscenities and Tina crying that he doesn't want to see her and Mike saying have fun in a perfectly reasonable voice.

Blaine's gonna have to make it up to them.

Sebastian's house is cozy.

While it's new, and not much lived in, Blaine can tell it's loved. There's papers scattered anywhere, clothes thrown over chairs and tables, a pile of fancy shoes and a pair of trainers next to the hanger in the hallway. It's the house of two single men that have a maid coming over every Thursday, and Blaine loves how messy and clean it is. He doesn't know how he feels about the toucan in the living room, a weird looking statue that stared at him all the way up to Sebastian's bedroom, the last to the right.

The bedroom is big, and there's a suitcase and two backpacks open on the floor, and that's about how much Blaine makes up of it before he has Sebastian's legs wrapped around his hips and his hands on his neck, keeping him close. It's hot in the house and Blaine is still wearing his thick winter sweater, but he can't find it in him to break away, not even if it's a step on the road to skin sliding against skin, to Sebastian biting down his chest.

Sebastian doesn't seem in a hurry of getting undressed either, his mouth lazy and indulgent, his thumbs making circles in Blaine's jaw. If not for the occasional thrust of his hips, the friction making Blaine swear between kisses, Blaine would think he's only been summoned to make out.

Sebastian kisses him one last time before pushing at Blaine chest, and Blaine rolls over, pliant in Sebastian's arms, until he's the one wrapping legs around hips.

Sebastian laughs against his cheek, and Blaine fleetingly thinks maybe he's missed a clue somewhere.

"Are you going to take off your sweater or I'll be having Christian sex with a stuffed animal tonight? Because I'm not sure how into it I am and I really do not want to find out, you know?"

Blaine groans and buries his face in Sebastian's neck.

"Careful, here-" Sebastian slurs in amusement. "You're starting to seem clingy."

Blaine bites him without warning, and Sebastian moan mixes with a laugh and it's the most beautiful sound Blaine has ever heard.

Sebastian's hands hike Blaine's legs higher around his waist, and they're kissing again, and Blaine's mind go numb, because it seems like-

He takes a shaky breath.

It seems like Sebastian has made the offer of escalating this because he thought Blaine wanted to. Because he thought he had to.

Because he didn't want for Blaine to know that maybe he'd be okay if that's all they'd do tonight.

Sebastian smiles into him, butterfly kisses on his neck, and Blaine breaths in the scent of foreign minty soap and the familiar taste of Sebastian's skin and he swallows it all down.

He pushes Sebastian up and takes his sweater off, throwing it on the hardwood floor. When he's done, Sebastian's done, too- his white long sleeve t-shirt laying next to them on the bed.

He's seen Sebastian without a shirt before, but it's been in the darkness of the backseats, and while Blaine knew there's beauty marks and freckles to kiss and lick and bite, he's never know quite as many.

He swipes his thumb over a spray of freckles next to Sebastian's belly button.

There's a trail of three, four beauty marks leading to the waistband of Sebastian's sweatpants.

Blaine's mouth waters.

The touch of Sebastian's hands startles him. He looks up to Sebastian's face, long fingers messing with his gelled curls, nails scraping at his scalp, thumb soothing along his hairline.

"Will it wear off tonight?" Sebastian asks, something like fascination in his eyes and an impish smirk on his lips.

Blaine feels his throat blush.

"Most of it." he manages under his breath, and Sebastian looks at him like he's about to make fun of him because he can't believe Blaine's getting bashful now.

His hair is a mess and his cheeks are red and there's dark circles under his eyes and his smile is blinding.

He is beautiful.

Blaine rolls them over and kisses down his chest, until he's biting at the beauty mark trail. Sebastian ruffles his hair and Blaine bites him harder, and there it is again, so soon, that laugh lost in a moan, and Blaine smiles against Sebastian's hip.

He didn't plan to spend the night.

But Sebastian yawns and kisses his cheek when Blaine's hand travel lower, and Blaine would be mildly offended if Sebastian wasn't so hard against his hip.

"Rain check?" Sebastian says, voice thick with sleep, and Blaine wishes he wasn't so aware of his own smile.

"Rain check." he echoes with a kiss on Sebastian's nose.

Blaine isn't a stranger of waking up in other people's bed.

He's been drunk at enough parties to know the feeling of several cotton balls in his mouth, the confusion at foreign surroundings, how weirdly perceptive his ear are being at everyday life sounds he's never listened to before.

He's less used to the part in which he's naked and cold, and he feels sweaty, sticky and utterly, completely happy.

He smiles in his hand before driving it trough an uncomfortable mess of gelled up curls standing in weird directions. The motion is enough to trigger a phantom memory of Sebastian's hand tugging at his hair, the weight of him on Blaine's tongue.

Blaine bites off a grin and fights the childish impulse to text Noah that he now does indeed suck cock.

Despite how gross he feels he doesn't think he'd move from the bed if it wasn't for Sebastian being missing. It makes the bed colder, and Blaine is awake enough that his brain is starting to think maybe it's not polite to outstay the bed's owner. He's putting on his underwear when he feels the sounds of voices and steps coming up and it's a second before Sebastian swiftly get inside his room with two pack of cookies in his hand and a giant coffee mug in the other.

He's shirtless and wearing fresh sweatpants, but he doesn't look like he took a shower. It doesn't look like he even washed his face, or done anything that wasn't fetching his prize.

"'morning." Sebastian smirk, his eyes feeling Blaine up with a catlike satisfaction at having his pray under his paws. "I hope you like lemon drizzle cookies and take your coffee bitter. And cold. There's no way I'm going back down before my dad goes to see Catrice."

Blaine's face must tell he's suddenly uneasy on his feet, because Sebastian takes a sip from his coffee just to drag the moment out.

"Was your dad home?"

"Of course. Why would I be home if he wasn't?"

Blaine doesn't think he'll be able to breath properly until he digests having blown his first dick with said dick's father down the hallway.

"Don't worry, he doesn't mind. In fact, I believe he made me promise I'd ask you to stay for lunch."

Blaine chuckles it away as Sebastian puts the mug and cookies down on his bedside table. He's barely got time to notice Sebastian hasn't made fun of it before Sebastian's is kissing his jaw, a hand tilting up Blaine's head. His lips slide on his skin, like he's enjoying the feeling of Blaine's stubborn morning stubble.

"Who's Catrice?" Blaine asks late, because it's maybe the only topic that doesn't make his brain scream.

Sebastian groans in Blaine's neck, all but sexy, and Blaine laughs earnestly when Sebastian breaks away from him to throw himself on his bed in despair.

"She's my father's new girlfriend."

"Is she that bad?" Blaine asks, sipping coffee that's as bitter as it's piping hot.

"Yes." Sebastian answers right away before propping himself up on his elbows.

There's a wild purple mark on his hip, and Blaine bites his cheek.

"Well, not really." Sebastian adds like it hurts him to say. "But there's so many times I can take introducing myself to a doppelganger of my mother. It gets freaky after the third one."

"Sounds like he has a type." Blaine says, scrunching up his nose.

"Mh." Sebastian hums, throwing his head back.

Admiring the curve of his neck makes Blaine forget the coffee is too hot to gulp down. He coughs on it, the uncomfortable feeling of a sensitive tongue adding to the cotton mouth.

"Careful, it's hot."

"You don't say?" Blaine asks putting the offender down. Some of the coffee riles up and drips to the table, but several coffee marks on light washed wood tell Blaine Sebastian won't care.

"Bitter and cold." he repeat, brain functions catching up. "You asked if I liked my coffee cold. This is not cold. Was it a trick?"

"Yeah, because you wouldn't have notice when you picked the mug up. Although, in insight I might have fancied you smarter than you are." Sebastian says right away, but he's sat up at the edge of bed, devious look in his eyes. "What I meant is that it'd be cold by the time we're gonna drink it." he adds, smile wide and white and carefree.

Heath pools in Blaine's stomach. He's been hard since he woke up, but it's a different kind of hard he's now.

Sebastian stands up as Blaine walks to him, and Blaine puts his arms around Sebastian's back, smile in the soft kiss that's so familiar it sends butterflies straight to Blaine's sternum.

"Rain check?" Sebastian says, hands trailing down Blaine's shoulders to his arms and back up.

Blaine should care the disgusting state he's in, should care about his hair looking hideous, but he can't when Sebastian's standing there, just as wrecked, just as sticky, just as happy- and he looks nothing but breathtaking.

"Rain check." he says again, walking Sebastian to the edge of the bed.

Blaine does like lemon drizzle cookies, and doesn't care that much for the cold coffee, but they pass the mug around while an old episode of the Power Rangers plays in the background. It's only when his mother calls to know if he can pick up an ice cream cake on his way home that Blaine realizes how late it got.

"My father does cook a mean steak." Sebastian tries between kisses on the threshold of the house, and Blaine just kisses him again, lips and eyes closed, long enough he won't think he should have kissed him better when he could have.

It's been a while since Blaine heard that scruffy voice used to lure and not to tease, now Sebastian doesn't need more than sticking his hand out to him whenever he wants him.

"Merry Christmas." he says when Sebastian's done chasing his mouth whenever he gets away.

"Merry Christmas, Annie." Sebastian says before letting his hand go.

.

It's two days after his parents left and he's at the Diner Train with Mike and Tina to workshop AP Calc assignments when just like that he thinks

it'll be at least a week until I see Sebastian smile again.

He gets up to get another coffee without a word. He only realizes he never finished the first one once he's throwing away the half empty cup at the end of the study session.


	4. so it goes; part I

**Thanks, see you tonight!**

Blaine stares at John's last text.

Whatever John's talking about, Blaine has no idea what it is. He must have mixed up a date, or maybe it's just- Blaine's chest squeezes uncomfortably- that they're having a Warbler night out and John was too distracted to think Blaine won't be there.

They've been talking a lot since Christmas break. Meeting up at John's home, going bowling. They've never hung out alone before, but it became easy once they bumped into each other in the hardware store to buy last minute Christmas lights. They used each other as an excuse to run away from Christmas' Eve parties, and when John asked him if Blaine could help taking the decorations off next week, Blaine said yes without thinking.

He knows John is good friends with Sebastian. He brings him up absentmindedly and mentions how much of a show he and his girlfriend Sara make of hating each other when it's clear they get along, and Blaine is quite sure he wouldn't be there if Sebastian had been in town.

He wonders then, taking decorations down from his tree with Christmas carol blasting in the background, what would have the holidays been if Sebastian would have been in his bedroom four streets down.

Something thugs at his stomach. The little plush reindeer he got off a branch looks at him with crisscrossed eyes, and Blaine's throat closes up.

The King Island's Christmas Spectacular has come and gone, his grandparents have gone back to Cincinnati, Cooper isn't in his room, his parents are sipping cocktails in the middle of the ocean, and for the first time Blaine is alone. Last time this year, he was in the Dalton common room playing charades and drinking eggnog with kids whose parents didn't care, who knew him by name and he had to drag away from their couch to make them feel like yes, they could have fun with the Warblers, they didn't need a written permit.

He misses it, then.

A dull ache in his chest that nothing does but spread.

He misses the smell of woods, the echoes of steps on stone, chatting up professors to try and get that plus he needed on his paper. Tuning an harmony before breaking into a song. It felt like a dream dreamt in the earliest hour of the mornings, being at Dalton, one that you don't dare hope open your eyes to discover it wasn't real.

Funny how now that he's forced himself awake it's what his body lived that won't let him forget.

He doesn't check his phone when it rings, thankful someone is rescuing him from drowning. He'll even take one of his aunt Cecilia's pointless hour long conversations, anything to make him feel like he isn't the last man standing.

"Hi, Annie. You have two options." a scruffy voice says over the line, and Blaine laughs setting the reindeer down.

Blaine likes all of Sebastian's nicknames for him, but he has a soft spot for how Annie always comes playfully and with at least a layer of clothing on.

"Please, do tell." Blaine says, his voice thicker than he had hoped for. But the line isn't clear and there's thumps on Sebastian's end of the phone.

"I'm officially back in Kansas after a nine hour flight, and I do want to see you today. As in, right now. Help me reset my jet lag, you know."

Blaine chuckles, afraid of making too much noise and missing an identifying sound that would tell him what Sebastian is up to.

"And what can I do to help?"

"Well, what I need is somebody to keep me from falling asleep. How you would do that, it's entirely up to you."

Blaine can feel the cheeky smile, and he closes his eyes for a moment.

"Maybe I'm busy." he says, "Maybe I can't come right now."

"Well." a loud rustling comes from the phone. "You can always come for the party, and spend the night. I mean, you can do that even if you drop the act and come right away."

"Party?"

"Yeah." Sebastian says, and it's a bit cheery and a bit frustrated. There's more rustling on the line. "Sorry, I'm trying to- are you coming here now or not?"

"I-" Blaine blinks looking at his half undone Christmas tree. He thinks of how cold the rest of the house feels. "Yeah, I'll be there in twenty."

"Great. I'll leave the door open, let yourself in."

"Okay."

It sounds like Sebastian is about to talk again, but all he does is saying bye.

The walk to Sebastian's house is not even fifteen minutes long if he goes across some backstreets, but it's enough for the cold to get to Blaine's nose and cheek. He knocks on the door once, but when Sebastian doesn't answer he does how he was told and walk inside. There's boxes lying around in the hallway and Christmas songs are blaring from the living room. When he looks inside, he finds the toucan statue wrapped in tinsels, a red Santa hat on his head. He smiles, eyes going to the fake Christmas tree not fully assembled, the top two layers thrown on the floor, then the strings of Christmas lights tangled over two round coffee tables and and armchair. He picks up a small cheap toucan wearing sunglasses to tinkle with in the wait.

It looks like he just walked back in time to the beginning of the Holiday season.

He hears Sebastian's footsteps down the stairs, and when he turns he finds him tugging on a red hoodie that looks like it could have been his father's.

"Hi." he says, a grin going ear to ear.

Blaine had half expected to be jumped on, but Sebastian buries his hands in his pockets and walks up to him slowly. He doesn't stop smiling, and Blaine knows he's not gonna do anything but stare for a few.

He fights a blush and nods back to the tree.

"I do remember the tree being up when I last was here."

"It was. And it's going back up again. Dad left the keys to Catrice and she thought it was a good idea to take it down, and I won't have it. My house, my hassle. Besides, we'll need it for tonight. What kind of New Year's Party is it without the Christmas tree still up?"

"And a toucan with a Santa hat."

Sebastian makes a choked high pitched half laugh that sounds so weird coming off of him Blaine can't help but laugh too.

"Apparently I was really obsessed with toucans when I was a kid and everybody else liked dinosaurs, and it was so adorable no one can let it go. There's a lot of them around."

"That's-" Blaine starts, but the only words he can come up with is wholesome and he doesn't think he wants to use it to describe Sebastian, ever. "Cute."

"Yeah. You know who else is cute?" Sebastian scruffs, and Blaine playfully throws the sunglasses wearing toucan at his chest. Sebastian frowns at it when it's fallen on the ground, but he doesn't pick it up.

"He didn't deserve that."

"No, but you did."

"Hey. Not my fault you don't serve me better lines." Sebastian smiles, his hands still not leaving his pockets.

"You know," Blaine says, squinting and getting his voice as deep as it gets. "If you had just kissed me already, I wouldn't have done such a poor job at getting there."

"Maybe if you wanted to kiss me, you should have gone for it."

Blaine isn't sure he should be smiling so much, or that it should be so easy to get his hands on Sebastian's hips and raise to meet his lips.

But Sebastian ducks his head and plants a kiss on Blaine's cheek instead, wrapping his fingers around Blaine's wrists.

"Too bad you lost your chance to lead the intro into Holiday porn territory and we're now set for a family friendly feature."

"Sebastian." he says, letting Sebastian drag him to the tree.

"We were going to have to do it anyway." Sebastian says, and Blaine's wrist is suddenly cold where Sebastian's hand isn't anymore. "This needs to be up for the party."

"Does it?" Blaine asks looking at Sebastian doing a poor job of setting up another layer.

"Yes. What are you getting at?"

"Nothing. I mean, I'm sure you're not doing this out of spite instead."

Sebastian stops for a beat and look at him with a smirk and narrow eyes.

"Please, don't stop with your assumptions." he says, slow, and Blaine gives in and helps him maneuver the piece in place.

"I'm just saying, one could wonder whether you're not trying to make this Catrice woman feel unwelcome in your house."

"I don't say it like that." Sebastian banters from the floor, and Blaine squints moving his fingers to have the last piece of tree handed to him.

"What? _Catrice_? I don't know, haven't heard it pronounced in any other way."

Sebastian laughs looking away, and Blaine wants to defile him.

"In my defense, how are you going to say a name like Catrice?"

"Like you just did." Blaine points out. "Without layers of disgust woven into it."

"It's not disgust. I really don't hate her."

"But you still don't want her around."

"I guess I hadn't thought I'd have to share my dad with her, other than his job. Do you think we should go full kitch, or try and fail at having something nice?"

"It's not Christmas if it's not kitch." Blaine replies, walking to Sebastian side to look at the slightly wonky white tree.

"Blaine?" Sebastian calls, and when Blaine looks up he's not sure he can't trust his knees to keep him up.

He doesn't know what it is, the curve of Sebastian's smile not unlike anything he hasn't seen before, or the crinkle at the corner of his eyes, or the way his voice sounded. But it's there nonetheless, and Blaine asks himself what he's doing, getting up a Christmas tree in January with a boy he's only having sex with.

He smiles.

He just needs to wait for that tiny moment for Sebastian's hands to get on his neck, for his head to tilt up, for their lips to meet.

When Sebastian kisses him, he'll know what he's doing again.

But Sebastian shakes his head and put his hands on his waist, standing a bit taller to look around at the mess of decorations.

"So. Shall we begin?" he smiles, and Blaine opens his mouth even if he already knew nothing would come out.

Sebastian's dad and Cartice stop by the house when they're arguing over the lights settings. Blaine wants at least one cord to be alwyas on, Sebastian advocates for the chasing settings on all of it. Quite loudly.

"You said it yourself, it's not Christmas if it isn't kitch." he's says, using the tinsel he's wearing as a scarf to illustrate his point, and Blaine would love to choke him with it, but Sebastian's dad walking in adverts the death of his only son.

"Cheers to that." a profound, slightly southern voice calls from the hallway, and Sebastian points the tinsel to him.

"Exactly. So, chasing lights. Turn it on."

Blaine was maybe going to do it if Sebastian hadn't pointed at him. With a red tinsel, granted, but Blaine has been scarred by excessive pointing in his life.

"Don't you do that." he says, profoundly scorned, putting the lights on slow glow.

"The young man is right, it's not polite to point your boa at people."

Sebastian rolls his eyes so theatrically Blaine can almost feel the hurt.

He laughs softly getting up from the floor to introduce himself. He doesn't know the man's name yet, and he's not that shocked to hear it's Austin. It fits him, and Sebastian occasional _yalls_ and _aint's_.

"Caught you this time, son." Austin winks just when Blaine thinks he has once again made a good impression with a parent.

He feels himself blushing and he thanks he's gone for a sweater instead of a shirt that could be unbuttoned by now.

"Yeah, I had to-" he's moving around his hand without means, and Austin smiles at him like they're sharing a secret.

"I'm teasing. But I am happy he's finally brought a boy home." he adds, and Blaine has no idea what to say to that but he's saved by Catrice hurrying from the hallway.

Blaine is almost ashamed she'd expected her to be young. She's not old, sure, but he had expected the twentysomething blond girlfriend of a successful man who had evidently decided marriage wasn't something he wanted to go trough again. Instead he's met with a gorgeous woman in her forties with auburn hair and a kind smile that looks like it could cut glass.

"I'm sorry for taking off the tree, I didn't think he'd be having a New Year's Party after the New Year." she says, sticking her hand out.

"I don't think anybody knew that before he decided it this morning."

"Why do you always assume the worst? This has been planned. Warbler tradition- the last member to join hosts the first party of the year. Have you forgotten your rule book along with your allegiances, Anderson?"

Blaine knows Sebastian is joking. It doesn't make it hurt less.

Butbecause he knows it's not Sebastian's fault he hurt him, he lets him make it better.

He leans into the arm Sebastian threw over his shoulders.

"I don't doubt the party was planned." he bites back, fingers finding their way under Sebastian's thin sweater to press into the skin of his waist. "But was it said anywhere it had to be a New Year party?"

"Yes." Sebastian said without losing a beat. "I already told John."

Blaine blinks.

"When?"

"When he called to wish a happy New Year. So, what are you two old inseparables doing home? I thought I told you to get lost."

Blaine doesn't really hear Austin's reply.

He knows he's reading too much into it. That Sebastian not looking at him as he spoke wasn't hiding but a sign of how little he cared. That Sebastian didn't want Blaine to be the one who called to wish him into the New Year.

He tells himself he knows it, because if he doesn't, then talking to Sebastian's dad and his girlfriend after an afternoon spent decorating a tree and drinking store bought eggnog would mean something, and he-

doesn't want something.

He swallows when Sebastian kisses his cheek, nodding away Austin and Catrice off their way again, two bottles of expensive wine and a gift bag in hand, off to a late holiday dinner themselves.

He turns in Sebastian's arms when a hand on his waist nudges him to. He hears Sebastian's laugh before he starts a sentence, but he doesn't want to hear it.

He puts a hand in Sebastian's hair, brings his head down in a kiss he needs more than he wants.

He's worried Sebastian will play it off again, but soon his back hits the door frame and Sebastian's hands are past his sweater, fingers digging in Blaine's skin.

It's a long, slow kiss, as easy as any other kiss has been.

"I've missed you." Sebastian says, and Blaine ignores the way it sounds, drowns words in a deeper kiss, sucks on Sebastian's tongue.

"Show me just how much?" he teases, and Sebastian is on his knees before Blaine can blink.

He knows the feeling of Sebastian's hair in his hand so well by now, he almost doesn't notice the marvel of it.


	5. so it goes; part II

"Happy New Year!" Mike shouts when Blaine opens the door to let him, Noah and Tina in.

The party has been in full swing for over an hour, and Blaine feels mildly guilty for telling them to come late, but it doesn't matter how many times Sebastian told him that no, no one will consider it treason if you invite a few friends, I'm sure, do you want another blow job to relax?, he can't help but think this is a Warbler thing and he's- tainting it. He knows it's worth it for Mike and Noah, but it still makes him uneasy.

"Hi, guys. Come in." he smiles anyway, because he's happy to see them even if they did have a regular, on season New Year's party four days before.

Tina hugs him out of the blue, which he's more puzzled by than uncomfortable with, and Noah moves in to sideways hug him like a true man, but stops with his hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"What?" Blaine asks, closing the door behind them.

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"How many times did he suck your dick? I know that face, I'd say at least-"

Blaine doesn't really hit people, but it doesn't mean he can't. After the first tackle it degenerates in full playful wrestle in a quick second, and by the time Sebastian pops up in the hallway, they are laughing on the ground and Blaine is pretty sure his wrist is gone, but Noah is gasping for air and cursing Blaine for breaking all of his ribs.

"Should I call the cops?" Sebastian smiles like he's sincerely puzzled at the coexistence of affection and violence.

Blaine laughs and shakes his head, walking up to Sebastian with a last tug at Puck's arm. He hugs Sebastian waist and leans up into a kiss, and then another.

"You really missed out in being a single child." he explains before a third one.

"Yeah, in medical bills. Is he okay?"

Blaine rolls his eyes and doesn't spare a single look for Noah groveling on the ground like a supposedly injured soccer player. Blaine knows the act.

"He'll be. Will you, Noah?"

"Yep." Noah says sprinting on his feet. "I'm starving, is there booze is this place?"

Blaine has almost given up on his project, so he let Sebastian point to the living room.

"There. Ask for John, he'll know everything."

"Aren't we going?" Blaine asks when they're alone in the hallway. "You can't ditch your own party."

"Can't I?" Sebastian asks, resisting Blaine's tug to nudge him to follow him in the living room. "I was kind of counting on it."

"Up to mischievous ends?"

"Get your jacket." Sebastian smirks, and Blaine feels a jolt at the base of his spine. "You're about to find out."

He follows Sebastian outside and to the back of the house. The grass is shining with the first signs of frost, and the sky is the clearest it's been all week, blue and lightweight over the stars. It's one of Blaine's favorite things about living in Merysville, that the lights aren't so bright and that there's specks of stars sprayed against the blue.

"I think it's what I like the most about living here, that you can see the stars." Sebastian says in velvet, and Blaine

stops.

Strops breathing, stops thinking.

He reaches out for Sebastian's hand, fingertips getting cold already. The look Sebastian looks down at him with he prefers not to make sense of, focusing instead on Sebastian's thumb stroking the back of his hand, on the way Sebastian's long fingers fit in Blaine's.

There's something so special in the way their bodies fits together. It makes every small touch just enough.

"I guess when you live in the city of lights, you don't see many." Blaine says, the dim sound of the party getting further with every step they take to a metal swing left by a former occupant.

"No. I always missed it." Sebastian says, leaving Blaine's hands to sit on one of the seats.

Blaine does the same, hands buried in his pockets as Sebastian moves back and forth pushing his heels on the ground.

"As you might have noticed, my father is a southern man." Sebastian says with an impish look that makes Blaine smile. "He's from Tennesse. He and mom moved to West Virgina before I was born, but Tennesse never left dad. We used to go out rolling around in fields every weekend, and then we'd go back to perfect houses with city regulated gardens. What I hate the most about the good life in small towns is that it makes sense to me."

"And what about Paris?"

"It's beautiful. It is. But the thing when growing up hearing your mother taking about Paris the same way one would talk about a fairytale land filled with wonder and magic, it's that when you get there? When you realize it's just- a city? Kind of difficult to fall in love with it."

"How long did you live there?"

"I moved there when I was eleven, when my parents divorced. First thing mom did was to get us on a plane, one way ticket to Paris Charles de Gaulle."

Blaine bites off his question, even if it burns. His right hand still feels hollow in his pocket.

"You can ask, you know."

"Mh?"

"About why I'm here."

It's almost shameful how pretty Sebastian looks like that, cheeks redden by the cold, clear eyes and mouth a straight line.

"I know how difficult talking can be. I'm not gonna fish an answer out of you."

"But you did. On the sidewalk, when we first kissed."

Blaine smiles before anything else. Maybe he shouldn't like how it's one of his favorite memories, but it is and just for tonight it's good not to tell himself what to feel.

"I was looking for a fight." he conceits, scrunching his nose up, and Sebastian's smile spread on his face as he looks away and then back.

"I guess you were. But it's nothing crazy, really. I just missed my dad."

"And seeing the stars at night?"

"And not fighting with my mother's new husband every day. Or my mom. Or my stepsister. And not getting to bed feeling like I was so much better than anything life was making me waste my time with. Honestly, I knew they would call my dad to tell him how insufferably I was behaving, and I was ready to fight with him too, you know, for a change, but when he asked if I wanted to live with him? Move to a small town in Ohio? I said yes so quickly I still wonder if he wasn't right when he accused me of being miserable. I don't think I was, but- if Paris wasn't enough for me what was I giving up my dad for?"

Blaine would take Sebastian hand if he wasn't afraid of interrupting a private moment. But Sebastian turns to look at him and Blaine sticks his hand out. It seems only right to kiss the back of Sebastian's hand.

"Well, I'm glad you acted like a brat, then. The small city is happy to have you." he says afterwords, when Sebastian still looks like he's about to swoon.

"God, Anderson, you're smooth." he says, and Blaine laughs away. "No, for real. I remember thinking before meeting you, sure, he's hot stuff for a private school in Westerville, Ohio, but that doesn't mean much. Well, I've never been happier of being wrong."

It always felt different to be complimented by Sebastian.

"Thank you." he says, because he doesn't feel like brushing it off.

Blaine could live here, in this small back garden with an abandoned sturdy swing set, weather cold enough to ice his breath as soon as it leaves his mouth.

"You think we should head back?" Sebastian asks, so softly Blaine could pretend he didn't hear him.

"I think we're doing fine out here." he says, leaning in the space between them.

The smile on Sebastian's face before they lips brush, a touch so cold and delicate that it only reminds Blaine of a melting snowflake caught on his tongue, almost tastes better than the kiss that follows.

Coming back inside the house is traumatizing. Blaine would regret it, if not for his freezing nose slowly regaining sensibility. He regrets it a little bit anyway, Sebastian's kiss still lingering on his lips. The horrifying dance remixes of Christmas carols is louder than it was when they left, and everyone is at least twice as drunk. Something definitely broke, Blaine knows it even if he doesn't know what it is yet. Thankfully the toucan with the Santa hat is still intact, treated with reference and used as a photo boot prop. Tina has taken at least four thousands, Noah informs them, most of them with freshmen who acted like they saw an oasis in the desert. Blaine guesses it must feel like a Christmas miracle to be at a party with a real human girl.

Sebastian gets kidnapped by a round of sophomores, and Blaine spends the better part of the night dancing and drinking and sharing Warblers stories with the assistance of whomever of his friends passes by to say hi.

"Is it cheating-!" a booming voice asks along with a slap on Blaine's back when it's getting late enough to be called early in the morning. "Would hypothetically be considered cheating the Warbler party unofficial billboard, if a junior member made an astonishingly good impression as a party planner while hiring not a former member, but the former member? Not a legend, but the legend?"

"I'm not sure what you just said is a sentence." Mike muses over his vodka cola.

John seems confused enough, but Blaine laughs.

"The legend has done nearly nothing if not sabotaging the light settings, so, hypothetically, no. It's not cheating. Junior member earned his score."

"Why would I even ask his boyfriend." John says very pragmatically. "Hypothetically."

Blaine stomach twists.

"I have no idea." he smiles politely. "Perhaps you drank a bit too much."

"What? No." John frowns. "Oh Lord, I'm getting drunk. I can feel it happening. I don't like this."

"Then go drink some water and lay off on the vodka."

"And disrespect Austin's stash? Never. What a good man. What great principles. Better safe under my roof then in a back alley-" he imitates in a perfect southern accent and razor sharp basses. "what a man! Now, if only junior Warbler Sebastian would have inherited some of that moral fiber, ah, we would be lucky." John says downing what remains of his vodka shot. He puts the glass on a crowded round table, next to the red tinsel that had been wrapped around Sebastian's neck for the better part of the afternoon.

"He did." Blaine smiles, after lulling the words on his tongue. "It's what makes the glitz so bright."

There's a beat of loud music before John smiles one of those smiles that make Blaine remember he's starred in teeth whitening commercial before.

"Aw. You like him." he says in a horrifying baby voice, and Blaine's blush burns him to his cheeks.

"Ah- that's not-"

"Oh my Lord-" he drawls, arms sneaking around Blaine's waist, and Blaine doesn't really put any strength in pushing him away. "You really do. Blainey likes a boy!" he calls out, and Blaine shakes his head and puts enough force in a push to John's chest that he has to take an half step to balance it out. Blaine goes with him, a laugh on his lips and John's arms still around him.

"Tell me, B, does he know?" he asks in a sing songy voice that bears nothing good.

"I'm- sure he has an hunch."

"But do you tell him, B?" John says, his eyes darting around.

Blaine is too busy not thinking of cold kisses to tell John off before the Warblers pick up the tune and follow his lead as he launches in sappy Disney's songs with a deep baritone.

Blaine looks at the floor, not sure what it says about him that he's loving being put on the stake like that. What he's sure about, it's that he hasn't stood that straight since he was part of the harmonies.

It takes the refrain for John and David to go bother Sebastian, who's- not looking happy. His brow is furrowed, and he pushes John's arm away, and when he sees Blaine looking at him, Blaine isn't sure what face he himself should be making.

John backs off and David apologizes with a shoulder bump, retreating to the center of the room to wrap the song up, cheery and cheeky about riling Sebastian up.

Sometimes Blaine wonders how much time Sebastian spends looking like that, and how much time he spends being everything Blaine knows him to be.

He ignores Noah making a joke and he follows Sebastian out of the room and across the hallway. He stares as Sebastian gets a new coke from the fridge and takes a long swing from it.

When Sebastian turns it takes very little for a smile to breaks on his face, small but bright, Blaine's firecracker lover who smells like soap and talks like whiskey.

"Hi." Sebastian says, and Blaine is aware he's staring and he doesn't plan to stop.

"What's wrong?" he asks, when he wanted to say hi back.

Sebastian's brows crease, but the smile doesn't go away as he takes another sip. He leans back against the fridge, and Blaine to the wooden door frame.

The lack of proximity is foreign, and Blaine doesn't know what to do of his hands, of his legs, of his whole body.

"I thought you wouldn't fish for answers." Sebastian teases, a raised eyebrow that Blaine doesn't see often, forgotten away before- before.

Before they knew each other. Before Sebastian's smirk turned to laughter, before scruffy drawls became snappy long sentences, before his hands turned from hungry to starved. Before Sebastian looked at him like that.

Blaine has to shuffle his weight on his feet.

"I- sorry." he stumbles upon words, and the kitchen sounds silent even with the party buzzing a few steps down.

"I'll tell you what's wrong with me if you tell me what's wrong with you."

Blaine's lips pry open, but nothing will come out. Nothing ever intended to.

"Now, if we're done pretending what we want to do is talk-" Sebastian sounds sharp and mean and it cuts to Blaine's lungs to have a glass put between him and the backyard. He can still hear the squeaking of the swing set, still feel the cold on his cheek and Sebastian's voice, the only one Blaine has come to know, talking of stars. "How about we go upstairs and you fuck all of the jet lag out of me?" Sebastian asks, scruffy and slow and angry, so angry, and maybe it's just not anger that choked _stairs_ sound, the way he grips the bottle in his hand, the way-

Blaine has a choice.

He can do what his feet and hands want to do. Walk up to Sebastian, take the coke off his hand and give his own hand to hold instead, kiss him slow and sweet, make a joke, drag Sebastian back to his party.

Or he can turn, walk upstairs, and choose to believe that the truth is staged and what's staged is real.

Blaine was always good at telling himself what to think.

It's hurried, and husked, and brazen.

It's Sebastian cursing in his ear, clenching around his fingers first, around him second.

It's quick, and indulgent, and someone tries to open the door once, twice, and once, twice, they ignore it and kiss, and kiss, and Sebastian hold Blaine so close, yet so loose, like he's afraid to hold on.

As everything with Sebastian is, it's fun.

Bold, fast, burning, a round of laughter, sweat tangled hair pushed away from foreheads, a bite, two, three.

Sebastian's long legs are the perfect fit for Blaine's waist, his tights just right to hold in place, the hollow of his throat the most beautiful spot for Blaine's nose to bury into, Sebastian's scent so raw Blaine could only describe it as just right.

Everything about Sebastian is just right.

It's still dark when Blaine wakes up to Sebastian's laugh at the base of his neck, the sound traveling down his spine. He settles back in his arms before opening his eyes, and Sebastian holds him tighter, and tighter even, and Blaine's heart skips and skips.

"You're always so goddamn cheery." Blaine mumbles, and Sebastian presses a kiss to his nape, then another, than laughs some more.

"Said by you, only, ever."

Blaine makes him happy.

Sebastian says something, and more, and his hand indulges in Blaine's hipbone, in the dip at his waist, before his palm is around Blaine, and Blaine closes his eyes and thrusts into it, because he needs to forget.

Sebastian bites into his neck, playful.

Blaine knows Sebastian's smiles.

Blaine cover's Sebastian's hand, speeding him up, he makes him happy, he turns and Sebastian catches his mouth, moves so that it's easier to kiss, he makes him happy, and a laugh comes to Blaine's lips, and maybe it's hysteric, maybe it's genuine, he makes him happy, he makes him happy.

Blaine pushes Sebastian down, rolls over him, his fingers searching Sebastian's mouth before going where they've been before, and it makes Blaine giddy, that he has Sebastian like that, no really that Sebastian has Blaine like that, because he gave him everything he had and now he's just-

happy.

Blaine blinks, Sebastian smiling up at Blaine like they're in the middle of a playful fight, like Blaine's hand fucking into him is a friendly push, and Blaine's fingers gripping his tight are exactly where they'd be if all they were doing was joking around.

He makes him happy.

Blaine's fingers sinks into him, his dick hard against Sebastian's ass in the chase of what would be too inconvenient to get because nothing exists but him and Sebastian, stranded in the night, the muffled sound of music from below getting swallowed by Sebastian's heavy breathing, by the sloppy sound of sex and kisses, so many kisses.

They come like that, one after the other, it doesn't matter, what matter is Sebastian kissing his hair and his nose and asking him very seriously, with a bright smile that's Blaine's favorite, to go tell the people downstairs that it's about time they got off his lawn.


	6. time moved too fast

Sebastian has gone to get waffles because it's a long standing New Year tradition in the Smythe household, Parisian and American side both. Blaine hasn't even questioned it, although he has pointed out it's the fifth and not first of January, but then Sebastian went on a long hyperbole about making the of world what you want of it. Blaine only listened to half of it before rolling over to get an extra twenty minutes of sleep before getting to work. He has swept the floor and filled some bags with empty cans and bottles even if Sebastian forbid him to sort out the after party mess.

He feels too peaceful to be still.

He would start to sort trough the decorations, but it feels wrong to deprive Sebastian of a proper goodbye to Christmas once more, so he just starts looking at the tee ornaments. It's mostly red and gold baubles, fairly new and clearly bought in stock, but there's some pending toucan around, and a lot of Sebastian's old drawing. Most of them fit the toucan theme. The most recent, Blaine knows, it's a Durante of birds in sunglasses, all of them drinking fruity drink but for a shorter one wearing a bow tie and drinking beer. Blaine assisted to the birth of the piece. He's smiling at it like an idiot, a pinch in the corner of his eye and the ghost of Sebastian's lips under his ear, when the door opens to a laugh and the sound of clicking heels.

"I was wondering if I was going to catch you, son" Austin says after a quick sweet bye to Catrice, who waves and makes her way upstairs.

"Yeah, I'm waiting for Sebastian to get back with breakfast."

"At noon?"

"It's the New Year." Blaine says factually. "The day isn't supposed to start until two pm, Pam Anderson dictum."

Blaine returns Austin's smile when he joins him.

"Smart woman. Everything all right at the party?"

"Nobody died or injured themselves, and the two people who felt sick actually made it to the bathroom and were escorted home by sober chaperons." Blaine cites John's and Mike's recount.

"You had fun?"

"Yeah. I mean, it doesn't take us much to have fun."

"Oh, to be seventeen again. Me and my girlfriend used to throw the best parties. Virtues of an empty house. Glad you two can take up the mantle."

Blaine bites his cheek after at weak attempt at a smile.

"God, he really can't draw, can he?" Austin ponders going trough some of Sebastian art.

Blaine laughs, a gentle tug in his stomach seeing Austin's smile looking so similar to Sebastian's. They don't look much like each other, but Blaine meant what he said to John, they share that same levity Blaine craves. It makes Blaine happy to see that growing up may not deprive Sebastian of it.

"Oh, look at this!" Austin says, taking off the tree a folded red card. It's closed with a red ribbon, and a giant glittery heart stands above a shaky proud signature. "In second grade they made the boys in his class write Valentines to the one girl they liked the most. Sebastian decided to make the perfect one up because every other girl sucked. Look at this-" Austin opens the card, revealing four pages glued together. The last one is a picture of a blonde girl with curls, her height evident because Sebastian drew her among a crowd of small stick figures labeled with an arrow as _everyone else._ "They were supposed to write a few things they liked about their friend. He was really specific if not well spoken - _she smiles good like me_ , _she's really pretty and sings great_ , look at this prose."

Austin laughs, but Blaine has troubles hearing him. He has troubles breathing, really, his breath shallow.

"He told his teachers she went to another school and she was his girlfriend and they were going to get married. He was so convincing he made them all believe him. When I went to the parent teacher conference and they asked me how Annie was doing, I thought they had mistaken me for someone's else father."

_Hi, Annie._

Blaine smiles. Polite, confident, efficient.

"He must have been a nightmare as a kid."

"Oh, he was. Always getting himself in trouble. But he was always so happy, you really couldn't hold it against him, that little devil. He isn't that different now, really. Just a lot moodier. Where did he go to fetch that breakfast anyway? New Zealand?"

"Lima." Blaine answers right away, the thought just forming now right there on his tongue. To get him that stupid lemon meringue pie Blaine has rambled about maybe twice before.

Austin looks at him with ill conceived surprise and Blaine wishes that his eyes watering will be lost to the perfect picture he paints standing there. He'll never know what Austin sees, because Catrice comes down the stairs and joins them and just like that Blaine is talking about stealing shampoo samples from expensive suites.

Annie.

_Merry Christmas, Annie._

Annie the beautiful girl who sings.

Annie whose smile is just as bright as Sebastian's.

_Hi, Annie._

"I'm sorry-" Blaine hears himself mumbling, but Catrice is laughing and Austin is looking at her like she hung the stars.

It's a look Blaine knows.

His breath hitches. He looks away, not sure where to, and sees Sebastian standing in the doorway. His hair is a mess and he looks unsure whether to coo or worry over the three of them. He has two cups of coffee in a carton in one hand and two paper bags in the other. One of them branded with the Lima Bean's logo.

Blaine needs to run.

He smiles. Sebastian winks at him in that insufferable way he does, and for a second Blaine can breathe again.

It's all right. Sebastian was obviously making fun of it all, thinking of what he had wished for as a kid and what he had now. And yes, maybe he did drive all the way to Lima to get lemon meringue, but he's always liked showing off and doing ridiculous things like winking or drawing hearts and writing silly pick up lines on the window of Blaine's car.

Surely he didn't mean, Blaine thinks as Sebastian makes his way to them, hugs his dad, smiles at Catrice.

Thankfully Austin has put down the Valentine card and Sebastian won't know Blaine knows- nothing. Because there's nothing to know.

She's really pretty and sings good.

Sex on a stick and sings like a dream.

Hi, Annie.

"Wanna go and finally prove your case that with lemon meringue pie the Diner Train's breakfast would be the best the world has to offer?"

Blaine shakes his head.

"Yeah." he says, his mouth dry. "Of course."

"I hope you're ready for a disappointment, then."

Sebastian's kitchen is spotless if not for the microwave, splattered with what looks like melted chocolate. Blaine can't stop staring at it, even with Sebastian kissing his neck, crowding him against the table.

He feels dizzy. The table is cold against his palms and he's holding on to it like dear life. He has Sebastian smile on his skin and yet he can feel the imprint of yesterday's kisses.

He's about to say something, anything to get the uncomfortable feeling off of him, but Sebastian licks under his chin and pulls away.

"I had two waffles on the way and I'm still starving. And I'm not putting on any weight. Dad says it's normal, but I'm not one hundred percent convinced. He might be a doctor, but not the right kind." he says reaching for the paper bags, and Blaine can't stand it, the normalcy of Sebastian taking a bit off another waffle and licking his fingers clean of crumbs, of standing there in the kitchen with the faint noise of the television in the living room and the fucking chocolate stains on the damn microwave.

"I can't do this." he says, and it's a clash to his own ears.

Sebastian goes still, and he's smirking when he turns to him.

"Do what?" he asks, because he already knows.

"I-" Blaine knows it's useless to search for words, or breath. They won't come. They never do.

He wants to say so much.

I'm not ready.

I've made a mistake with Kurt.

This was supposed to go another way.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

We should be at Dalton.

I should be at Kurt's.

It can't be this easy.

"Sebastian, I-" he tries, and he's one breath away from crying, but still he can't-

Sebastian never interrupts him. He does now.

"What?" he says, and he won't look at him. "You had an hour to think about a nice way to lay me off, I would think I deserve at least that."

No. It's not like that.

It's hard to breath.

"Sebastian,"

"I know my own name." it's harsh, harsher than anything he's ever said, harsher than the cruel careful way anything he says next is going to be. Blaine can't stand looking at his eyes when he turns, but he can't look away either.

But Sebastian eyes drop again, and he closes his hands behind his neck, drawing a long breath.

"What is this about, Blaine?" he asks, crossing his arms and with a smile that could go either way to grin to smirk. "I know that you couldn't string two words together if your life depended on it, but you gotta give me something here. Because right now the only thing that's different from yesterday is that we fucked."

"It's not that." he always talks better when he's angry.

"Than what is it?"

Blaine doesn't need to talk to say it, not really. Sebastian follows his eyes to the Lima Bean bag on the table, and Blaine feels bile riling up when Sebastian's face falls, but it's so fleeting, so brief Blaine will doubt it's really happened when he'll walk out.

"Oh, come on, Anderson. It's a fucking pie."

"One that takes an hour to get."

"It took one hour to come and see you there the first time, too."

"That's- it's different."

"No. It's not. You're the one making it different."

"Sebastian, I'm not an idiot."

"No, you're not, but I'm starting to think you want to be one. If you want to fuck me and leave me do it, don't make up excuses for it-"

"Sebastian." it's an hiss trough clenched teeth. "Annie?"

Blaine won't ever doubt this happened. Sebastian is like a deer in headlights, ashen face and darting eyes, and Blaine wonders if that's how he looks when he thinks he's holding it together.

"You weren't supposed to find out about that."

"You should have told me."

"It's my own business if-"

"It's not. Sebastian, this whole thing started because you wanted to fuck me. I deserved to know if you-"

"If I what?"

Blaine isn't going to say that.

"I ain't asking you nothing, Blaine. If it bothers you so much I might think you're more than a nice fuck, I'll keep the pet names to myself."

"I met your parents, Sebastian. I've been here a whole day setting up Christmas lights four days into the new year. That's not just sex."

"I know." Sebastian says like he's aiming in the dark and maybe he's hit something. "We do things like that because we're friends."

Blaine feels sick.

He's never really known shame like this before.

Sebastian laughs, the kind of laugh that stands for crying, and Blaine wipes tears to come on his cheek.

"Okay, I- now I'm just making a fool of myself. You know your way out, so forgive me if I don't stick around. You won't miss me anyway, will you? Since apparently I'm only good to you with a hand down your pants." he says, sharp as a knife, and Blaine doesn't care if he left his sweater in Sebastian's room and he's wearing one of Sebastian's, doesn't care for anything that isn't getting his coat off the hanger, picking up the keys that fell out of it, and slam the door behind him.

He makes it to the end of the street before pulling to the side and hurt his hands on the steering wheel, each hit coming with wet cracks of anger and shame and hurt.

He can only breath in tears.

.

"Dude. Who died?"

"Shut up, Noah." he says, taking off his shirt.

He was too late for first period, and skipped AP Calc because he didn't want to see Mike. For Mike to see him like that. He only hastily forged a note from his father and showed up for P.E. because coach Beiste is counting on him for gymnastic demonstrations.

"We found a dead possum in a cupboard last summer. You look like you ate it and puked it out three times."

Blaine closes his eyes in disgust.

"I look like crap. Got the message."

"Hey, I'm just worried." Noah says squeezing the back of his neck. Blaine doesn't punch him just because it's Noah. "You usually put in an effort not to look miserable."

Blaine bites off that maybe he's gotten less practice at it lately.

"I'm fine." he says, and it's true. It has to.

"Sure? All jokes out, I'm a pack man, I look after my own."

Blaine gets the tiniest chuckle out.

"Hey, I was being genuine here."

"No, I know. It's just- Pack man. Puckerman. Pac man. I could go on."

Noah scoffs and releases him, and Blaine shakes his head before wearing his shirt.

He's fine. If he isn't already, he will be.

.

Friday at Mike's means a lot of Call of Duty, Salt Soda Water and Tina reading them silly articles from women magazines. Blaine isn't really interested in the tragic sex lives of strangers, which means he balances out Noah's distractions whenever he feels like he needs to make a bad joke about it, which is often.

When the time comes to hand Mike the controller, he joins Tina on the bed to peer at Cosmopolitan, a mouthful of chips and a drink in hand.

"Something fun?" he asks, and she sighs and throws the magazine on the ground. Blaine laughs as she kidnaps Mike's laptop.

"We're much more interesting than anyone that writes to that. How about we find out which is your favorite color?"

"Red!" shouts Noah over the sound of gunshots.

It's Sebastian favorite's color too.

"It doesn't work like that, Puckerman." Tina says typing away. "You take a really personal quiz and they tell you which is your true favorite color."

"And then you can use that new found knowledge in other quizzes." Mike offers. "Nice shot!"

"Whatever. Hey, man, watch out."

"So-" Tina says, opening four different tabs of the same quiz. "Puck, what's your favorite season?"

"Hot chicks in bikini."

Tina sighs and selects summer.

"Winter." he offers when she looks at him.

Sebastian's is either spring or autumn, depending how cold or hot the day you ask is.

Tina chooses one spring and one summer, and Blaine is left wondering which is Mike's and which is hers.

"What is your deepest fear? Isolation, Heights, Spiders, the dark."

How am I supposed to chose between physical phobias and existential turmoil?, Sebastian said over a remix of Sex and Candy. They were on their way to know which 90s one hit wonder they were. Just pick one, Blaine had rolled his eyes, stealing a sip from Sebastian's hot pink drink. Blaine turned out to be Tubthumping, Sebastian the Macarena. Sebastian had been outraged and had sulked even as they made out at the counter.

"Blaine?" Tina asks him, and Blaine smiles. Polite, friendly.

"Isolation?" he asks like he's taking a guess.

.

Things he knows about Sebastian:

-he's a flirt

-he never takes anything seriously

-(unless it's theater)

-he knows at least three musical for every letter in the alphabet

-(but not Z, because there's only one: Zorba, with a book by Joseph Stein, lyrics by Fred Ebb, and music by John Kander).

-he prefers vanilla to chocolate

-he lost his virginity to a girl two days after turning fourteen because of a dare

-(he stopped playing truth or dare three days after turning fourteen)

-he's taking allergy shots because he refuses to be defeated by cats

-he can't play first person shooters

-he chose lacrosse out of every sport because it was the most violent and he thought it would be fun

-he once told an old fortune teller at a fair that she'd burn in hell for her sins when he was around six

-(he does think she cursed him, but he doesn't know of what, which he founds thrilling)

-he hates horror movies, allegedly because he doesn't get the point of it, probably because he gets scared

-thousands other stupid things he's only paying attention to now he has no use for them.

.

He misses Sebastian the most at night, when he has nothing to keep himself occupied with, no texts from Nigel asking from advice, no soccer practice, nothing to argue for sport, no songs to sing, no steps to go trough.

He misses his laugh and the way he talks like he loves the sound of his own voice.

He misses his hands, slender and careful, and how hungry his mouth is even for the smallest of kisses.

He misses how beautiful he looks in the sun, freckles like dusted cane sugar on his cheekbones.

He misses the taste of his skin.

He misses drinking beer leaning against the jukebox, giving previews of the songs as Sebastian decides what will be their soundtrack for the night.

He misses being so at ease that he would think he could live in a backyard for the rest of his days.

He wonders sometimes what Sebastian has made of his sweater. Maybe he has thrown it away, or he stashed it in the back of his closet like Blaine did with his shirt.

Blaine still wears the cream colored sweater. He has worn it so much it only smells like him now.

.

Kurt hasn't talked to him in months.

He can't figure out why he would now. Why he would think he's the person Blaine would want to talk about Sebastian.

"I just thought you should know." Kurt adds when Blaine just stares at him, frozen halfway trough a search on the dictionary.

"That your boyfriend has seen Sebastian making out with a guy?"

Kurt wiggles on his feet for an uncomfortable amount of time before sitting down at the library table.

"Listen, I know we haven't been talking, but I know you and him have a thing, and-"

"We don't."

"Blaine. I hear Puckerman holler his name every two days."

"We don't." he says again, folding the corner of a page.

"Oh." Kurt seems to pick up, and he seems uncertain whether to stand up. "Sorry. I just didn't thought you should know if- I mean, it hurt bad enough when you were honest about it."

"Yeah, well. I'm happy for him." he says, and he means it.

It's better for everybody if Sebastian forgets about him.

"Blaine, are you alright?" Kurt asks him like he's just noticed Blaine's got the blues.

"Yes, Kurt. I'm fine."

"Okay." Kurt says and it feels a bit annoyed, the kind of okay Blaine would get if he insisted of going to outdoor cinema in Merysville during the summer.

Blaine knows Kurt is making an effort when he doesn't owe anything to Blaine, but it still hurts to think about Sebastian.

"I miss him." he says, because it's becoming to heavy to bear. "But it's better this way."

"I don't want to say I've told you he was shady, but, I did."

"He isn't." Blaine almost smile. "He's actually really nice."

Kurt makes a face that says everything.

"Kurt, I know you don't like him, but you're not really impartial here, are you?"

"You're the one who was sleeping with him."

"Yeah, I was." it burns his tongue. "And I can assure you, I was the one who was a dick."

"I'm just saying he doesn't have a good reputation."

"He sleeps around, so what?"

"I'm not talking about that." Kurt says, and Blaine closes his dictionary shut.

"Then what?"

"Chandler says he could be Regina George in a gender swap production of Mean Girls. Which, by the way, they should totally make a musical out of."

"He can a bit brash." Blaine conceits. "But he's not mean spirited."

"I see he's been really good at chatting you up."

He must be looking as angry as he feels, because Kurt tenses up, defensively crossing his legs, arms close to his body.

"I was just joking."

"Listen-" Blaine forces himself to a flat B. "We didn't part on a good note, and it was on me. Because, as always, I had no idea what I was doing. Sebastian has been nothing but wonderful to me and-"

"So he was nice to one person. What about everyone else? Chandler told me he's been an ass to Dave when he-"

"Dave?" Blaine says a bit too loudly. "As in the guy who tormented you for years and threatened to kill you?"

Kurt seems genuinely contrived, but Blaine refuses to feel guilty for the outburst.

"Chandler goes to school with him and he says he's- trying." Kurt says very carefully.

"Glad we agree people can have more than one side to them, then." Blaine says, and Kurt gives him that hostile little snare that he would pull when they used to be friends, before Blaine decided to get a crush on him over a tribute for a dead bird.

It's so nostalgic he can't help but chuckle, and Kurt follows trough.

"I missed you, you know. I missed this more than I missed the summer." Kurt says with a smile, and Blaine leans over a bit.

"Yeah. I am the kind of guy one misses." he squints, and Kurt scoffs at him before pulling out his books from his bag.

"Shut up and help me with chem, you pre-med wonder boy." he says, and Blaine hates what it means.

Because if he and Kurt can be friends,

because if they're better at this than they are at being a couple,

because if misses not thinking about him as someone he could date or has dated before,

then what was the point of it all?

.

It doesn't become easier.

It just gets more painful.

Everyday he sees it a bit more, what they could have been if he hadn't been scared of the implications.

If only they had met sooner.

If only they had met later.

If only Blaine was ready.

If only Blaine wasn't scared to admit that maybe he was.


	7. and you knew what it was

Dave Karofsky attempts to take his own life a few days before Regionals.

Blaine is stunned, but most of all he feels guilty he doesn't feel worse about it than he does.

His parents treat him with gloves after hearing about Dave, and even Mike and Noah fuss around him until he snaps, like they're scared he could be next in line. He can't blame them, he guesses. He's not really angry about it. Just unsettled. Not even when he was too scared to close his eyes to sleep because he might live his hell again he thought of it.

Who he's angry with is himself. At how apathetic he's been, the haze he's been walking trough. He hates it, being like this. He doesn't feel comfortable without his optimism, without his passion. He doesn't know how to carry himself when he's not thinking about tomorrow.

.

McKinley's soccer team is bad, there's no way around it. The Cheerios don't even bother to show up to the matches. Usually a few girls, girlfriends and friends of the team, make up for it shaking pom poms from the bleachers, shouting louder than anyone else.

There's not a lot of things Blaine only does for fun. He studies to get in med school, he performs to get to Broadway, he goes to how many business mingles of his father he can because no matter what path he'll choose, he'll need connections.

This, he does for fun.

It doesn't mean he doesn't like to win.

He's not really a runner, but he pushes himself until he has to force his breathing and he's sure he's going to puke. He gets angry when his teammates waste his assists, and he plays dirty when stopping a guy from getting the ball will be worth the yellow card. It's just the way he does everything.

They still lose most of the times, and he still ends up laughing his head off with a beer in hand at the end of the match.

"Hey, Anderson." Cox the Fox says to him while Tory is dragging his cruel but perfect impression of both a monkey and the captain of the other team. "You know we have your back, right?" he asks, and Blaine is tired of the coddling but he's also almost touched.

"Thanks." he smiles, putting on his letter man jacket over his crisp swallows patterned shirt.

"Wait, are we having a team bonding moment here?" Tory asks still half crouched on the ground. "Because as the captain of this sinking ship only I get to call the moments."

"The you did a piss poor job of it, dude." Chad hollers and it's a mess of voices after it.

"I'll forgot your ugly faces the second after our last match."

"Who are you calling ugly?"

"You and your donkey face. Doesn't your mother work with horses? I'd run a DNA check."

"Does yours work with rhinos?"

"Where would she even find a rhino, dude?"

"I don't know, in Africa."

"Wait, was that racist?"

"No, it was just dumb."

Blaine mostly only know his teammates nicknames but he would still break a limb for each and everyone of them.

It's a lot like being a Warbler.

It takes them a long whistle from Tory to wrap the chorus up.

"Come on, losers. Our fans are waiting."

"Pity does wonder for your dating life." Chad says. "What is it going to happen when we start winning?"

"Ain't going to happen on my watch. Ask your next captain." Blaine smiles when Chad squeezes his shoulder. "I think you're gonna have to actually try if you don't want Soda Pop here to give your heads to the girls to use as pompoms."

"He wouldn't do that." Cox says likes he's suggesting it. "You wouldn't, right, Blaine? You know we're a lost cause."

"Actually I might not wait until next year if you keep wasting my plays."

"Maybe it's your plays that sucks, Anderson." Nathan throws out.

"And you're free to go search for another team if you don't like mine. I've heard the church's kids league is recruiting." he gets hollers, and he smiles.

"Dude, I'm so happy I'm graduating this year." Tory laughs with another slap on his back.

They're still arguing and laughing and throwing _your moms_ around when they reach their little group of supporters. They're having a small after-loss party with their homemade cheerleaders and a few friends, and they're all waiting to draw out the designated drivers and split up in a few cars. Ellen, who's been flirting with him since the first time Blaine attended a getaway, offers him a cigarette, and Blaine thanks her by flirting back. He has just won his round of rock paper scissor and assured he will be getting drunk tonight, when he spots a lanky figure standing by his own car.

His heart skips.

"Have you seen a ghost?" Cox asks, and Blaine shakes his head and takes a long draw, nursing the smoke in his mouth to steady himself.

"Just a sec." he excuses himself when his already walking up to Sebastian.

He's never been so conscious of the act of walking alone.

Sebastian's looking at the ground, hands buried in his pocket, as he leans against the side of Blaine's car. He's wearing his jeanjacket, the one Blaine suspects has been stolen by Austin's closet. His hair is just bit longer than Blaine remembers, and he tries to ignore the twitch in his fingers.

"Hey, stranger." he says softly when he's a safe distance away.

Sebastian looks up and he looks far more vulnerable than Blaine has ever seen him. He looks like Blaine has never wanted him to look.

Neither of them talk for an uncomfortable amount of time, until it almost turns into a game, somewhere between the curling up of Sebastian's mouth or Blaine's surging chuckle. It's Sebastian that cracks first, a small laugh that it's the ghost of that hideous sound he had made in his living room what feels like a life time ago.

Blaine takes another draw.

"Hi." he says, and Sebastian looks at him like he hates him for being the smallest amount of cheeky.

"I'm still angry with you." Sebastian says in the fondest, scruffiest drawl.

Blaine worries at his bottom lip trying to keep a smile in.

"I know." he assures him, and he does. Whatever this is, it's just a temporary concession.

"But I feel sorrier for myself, so I'll do me the favor of enjoying this."

"Makes sense."

"Don't push it."

"Sorry. I'll be perfectly silent."

"I said I can enjoy it, not you."

"I'm not. I swear."

"You're insufferable." Sebastian says in a voice that tell another story.

Blaine chuckles, all chest, and dares to take a step further.

"You look good." he says, because it's true now that Sebastian's gotten back from whenever he had gone when Blaine found him.

Sebastian deliberately checks him out, and Blaine enjoys every second of it. He knows the jersey is a good look on him, and hasn't put the gel back in after taking his shower, pushing his hair back with water. It won't last, and he had planned to touch it up in the car, but the way Sebastian is looking at him he thinks maybe he'll let it go for tonight.

"Isn't it bad for your voice?" Sebastian asks, and Blaine exhales. He licks his lip afterwards.

"I just smoke when somebody offers one. And I don't inhale."

"So the answer is you know you shouldn't do it but you found a way to tell yourself it's okay?"

"Pretty much." Blaine agrees right off the bet, and Sebastian laughs.

Blaine wants to kiss him.

He takes a shorter draw. He wants to ask Sebastian if he had liked the aftertaste it leaves in his mouth.

"I'm here for business." Sebastian says, voice and eyes getting cleaner. "The Warblers are going to take donations for Lady Gaga's Born This Way foundation at Regionals. We're going to dedicate out performance to Dave Karofsky. I was thinking maybe New Directions would like to join."

It's the last thing Blaine expected to hear. Sebastian small smirk says it shows.

"Uh- that's- really nice of you."

"Yeah, I have something to make up for."

Blaine wishes he didn't see it coming. Sebastian smirk widens in a shy smile that says that shows too.

"I mean, I didn't say anything particularly hateful, but I did, as always, decided to be a smartass instead of being a decent human being. He came up to me at Scandals while I was searching for someone hot enough to be a decent rebound for a certain someone who left my ass in my own kitchen on New Year-"

"It was January fifth." Blaine says because he doesn't like how dark Sebastian's eyes got.

"On New Year," Sebastian insists, his smile brightening up a bit "and he asked me advice on how to get a guy, which hit a nerve, so I decided to tell him he was a lost cause because he's fat and looks like Liberace."

Blaine blinks.

"That's it?" he feels tactless for asking.

"What did you think I'd done?"

"Nothing. Just- it's not that- God, this feels weird with what happened, but- Sebastian, it's not that bad. You've said worse things."

"Indeed."

"It's not your fault."

"I know." Sebastian says like he doesn't.

"Sebastian," he says again, taking the last draw and putting out the cigarette on the ground even if he shouldn't. "you don't kill yourself because of something like that."

"The thing is, I don't know." Sebastian's smile gets wider, like he can't make up of something that absurd. "We're seventeen. We've got a lot of tomorrows to live for, if not for today. I don't know why you would do something like that. What I know is that I spent that entire night feeling sorry for myself when I could have helped. I'm never going to be the kind of person that gives out his number to the random Nigels of this world, but I could try to be less of an ass all the time."

"He could have too. Dave." he says, and Sebastian frowns. "He spent the better part of his High School days torturing Kurt because he couldn't deal with having feelings for him. I tried to talk to him once, he shoved me against a grate. I made a joke out of it, I moved on. It's not your responsibility, Sebastian. You can't be there for everyone, especially if they don't want your help."

"But he wanted mine." Sebastian says, and Blaine gives out his hand when he'd like to give out his heart.

Sebastian takes it, and uncomfortable thrill goes down Blaine's spine at holding hands with a boy in the parking lot of a school at night. He leans against his own car too then, hiding beside Sebastian. He's not going to let go.

He nudges Sebastian's shoulder, and Sebastian nudges back.

Holding Sebastian hand again feels like discovering the name of that one song you used to listen to all the time on the radio and you never knew the name of.

"Since I've heard, I just kept thinking about you telling me you didn't want me to- be here right now." Sebastian continues. "And you were right. It doesn't feel good. It's all fun and games until it's not."

Blaine doesn't really know what to say, so he just turns his head and kisses Sebastian's shoulder.

"Besides," Sebastian says, a bit less raw "I kind of liked how I was around you."

Blaine kind of liked how Sebastian was around him too.

"So, I decided to do something productive in my life for once. Add production value to this shit show instead of only complaining it isn't good enough."

"I think it's a great idea." Blaine says, and Sebastian looks down at him with a cheeky smile. "And it doesn't have to be a one man job."

"You know I'm still angry with you, right?"

Blaine nods.

"I know." he says, and Sebastian smiles.

People are shouting nearby, but it's Ellen who flirts with him, the Fox who's got his back- it's his friends and Blaine is tired of being afraid.

He leans in and kisses Sebastian's cheek. He's gotten a new cologne, but he still smells like soap.

No one stops laughing, no one starts yelling, and when Sebastian turns to catch his lips, Blaine kisses him back. It's as easy as it's ever been.

He hates that it feels like the end of something.

Sebastian chuckles when he pulls away, and Blaine hates that he's holding back tears.

"You really shouldn't smoke." Sebastian says, and Blaine's laugh is breathless and wet. "Even if you don't inhale."

"Come with me to the party." Blaine asks, because he's thinking about tomorrow.

"You know I can't."

Blaine wipes at his cheek even if it's dry. Sebastian catches his jaw with the back of his hand when he tries to turn away.

"We're sneaking into the Regionals Venue. Warbler tradition."

Blaine hasn't even thought about it.

It used to be his favorite tradition, and he didn't even miss it.

He doesn't blink.

"Looks like we both have minions to take care of tonight."

Blaine would love to laugh, but if he'll cry if he'll do anything but breathe. He tries to smile anyway, because it would hurt not to.

Sebastian lets go of his hand and Blaine crosses his arms. Sebastian puts his hand in his pockets just as fast, and it's silly, and Blaine sniffs and laugh, because he's going to be okay. They're both going to be okay.

"See you tomorrow, then. If there's divine justice in this world, you're gonna win." Blaine says, and he doesn't care that his cheeks are wet of yesterday's tears.

"I would love to agree, but recent events had me scrapping a very silly blackmail plan to keep Rachel Berry out of this competition, and we both know it's over the second she opens her mouth."

"Mh." Blaine says, because he feels a bit daring. "Are you implying she's better than me?"

"No, but I knew they're not gonna let you sing more than one verse because they're a bunch of cretins. And, I was determined to ignore you ever existed, which by the way was a bit difficult seeing how you're everyone's favorite former inmate. And, we both know that you would deck me if I tried to blackmail you. And-" Sebastian says and Blaine has missed it, the long delirious rambling. "in the off chance you'd feel guilty enough to get along with my hideous evil scheme, then I wouldn't have gotten to hear you sing even that single verse. So Rachel Berry it was. Give her my congratulations for the wedding by the way. I've heard."

Blaine doesn't really know what to say.

"I'll let her know."

"About which part?"

"Both, I guess. It would make her really happy to know you consider her to be the only obstacle to High School Choir domination."

They stare at each other in silence again, and their smiles are good note to end it with.

"Well, I better go before they decide I'm not worth waiting for. " Sebastian says.

"Same."

"Blaine. There's no one worth waiting for more than you." Sebastian says, and Blaine breaths it in.

He lets it settle.

It doesn't cut his breath off. It doesn't seem too much.

He inhales.

"I really do like you, Blaine." Sebastian says like it's now or never. "And God, I sure wasn't expecting to fall so hard so fast, but I did. It just was so-"

"Easy?" Blaine ends for him.

Sebastian smiles.

"Yeah."

"It felt easy for me too." he admits, more breath than words. "Being with you. Everything was just right."

"Then why are we here and not in the back of your car, Anderson?"

Blaine laughs, because it's a good question, and one he doesn't want to have an answer for. But he owes it to him.

"Because it was never that way with Kurt. Because with him I always felt like I had to put in extra effort. Because if what I felt for you was-" he takes his time, but Sebastian isn't cutting him off. He isn't pushing for more.

He's just waiting for him.

And it's so stupidly easy in the end, too.

"Sebastian, I'm still getting there. I loved Kurt, and to just have you so fast, so soon, it didn't let me time to make sense of it all. To see you, see what we had, what we could have. And I know it wasn't fair of me to act like you've been pushing anything on me, because you didn't. I was scared, Sebastian. And when I've read that card, I- I wasn't ready to be that for you. And I felt like I was out of time to be."

Blaine has always thought nothing good could come out of telling things out loud. It only makes whatever mess he's got in his head scarier, and what is there to gain if not spreading the fear, the pain, the uncertainty?

But if he can get Sebastian to smile like that, like he's in on a secret that only them can share, maybe there is a point to it all.

"I really like you a lot." Sebastian says like he doesn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. I know." Blaine says right away, because teasing Sebastian has always came naturally. "I'm very pretty, I sing great, and my smile is just as beautiful as yours."

"That's off limits, Anderson." Sebastian says like it isn't.

"It isn't if I'm not joking."

"Blaine," Sebastian drawls a bit more carefully "I want you. To keep. For as long as possible. But if you need time, I can wait. I don't want this to blow up in our faces again."

"Me neither. But honestly, I'm- fine. Better than fine, actually." he is, now that he's done searching for a key out of the dark place he had gone to.

"I like you, Sebastian."

He only needed to broke down the door.

"I love you."

"Yeah." Blaine says, heart beating in his ears. "I know."

"Is there anything I can say to scare you off?"

"I don't think so."

"What if I asked you to marry me?" Sebastian smirks his evil cheerful way.

"I might be okay with that if you're fine with a long enough engagement."

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Sebastian asks, and Blaine takes a short breath.

It's an easy enough question to answer.

.

A heatwave hits town at the beginning of April. It's hot and humid and the sun is ruthless.

Blaine forgoes the gel and the world doesn't end. He wears his shirt unbuttoned at the throat and the most obnoxiously colorful cheap sunglasses he can find.

He hasn't felt this good in a long time. He thinks it shows.

The whole debate team threatens to forfeit the next competition if he doesn't run for Senior Class President next year, and he gets smiles from school staff in the hallways.

Ellen asks him out five times, and maybe it's Blaine's fault for always flirting back just because it's fun and she's cute.

He even catches Kurt staring at him like he used to when they first met. He tells him about Logan just to make Kurt resent him enough to stop.

He's still faking half of it, but he's getting there.

He likes feeling himself again.

.

"Stop judging me for eating so much." Nigel tells him munching on waffles.

"It's not that." Blaine smiles and sips his cold brew Irish coffee. He only needed a good tip, a wink and some half-hearted flirting to get it from the new Diner Train girl.

"Then what? You don't like waffles?"

Blaine bites his cheek.

"It's just- it's New Year's food." he says, and Nigel looks at him funny.

"Sure, whatever." he says, and Blaine takes an over sized bite out of his scone.

"So, you wanted to tell me something?"

"Yeah." he says, and Blaine doesn't like the nervous way Nigel's fingers twitch or the high pitched creak in his voice. "Well-"

"Nigel." he says, his mouth still half full. He puts down the coffee and raise his hand to silence him. "You don't like me."

Nigel frowns.

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't. You like that I've been there for you." he says, in the clearer, most decisive way possible. "And I guess it doesn't hurt I'm easy on the eyes."

Maybe Nigel does like him, because his eyes flutter very fast when Blaine leans over. And Blaine should just learn that the line between friendly and flirty is thinner that he thinks.

"I just- we're spending a lot of time together lately, and I think you, well-" he raises his cup and Blaine can't believe it's this again.

"Tina likes her coffee black, Mike prefers tea, and Noah doesn't drink anything but soda. I know everyone's coffee order." he says in a breath and Nigel looks at him like he's deranged.

"Okay?" he asks drinking his boring hot coffee without whiskey. He seems less nervous when he puts it down. "I just want to say it out loud, once. Can I?"

Blaine moves his hand around without much meaning.

"Sure." he says after much deliberation with himself and a long _s_ sound.

"I like you." Nigel says, and despite everything it feels good to hear it. "I think you're smart and funny and it's fun talking to you, even if its a bit of an effort to keep up with you, sometimes. And you are right, it doesn't hurt how handsome you are." Blaine scrunches his nose up.

"Thank you."

"Did I just make this awkward? Because I can take this to go and-"

"No, it's okay. If it's not awkward for you, it won't be for me." he assures him.

Blaine gives it a moment to derail the conversation somewhere else, but Nigel looks at his behind his thick glasses like there's something else he'd like say, and it's more difficult than a confession.

"Will you tell him?" he adds in small voice, and Blaine puts down his coffee and smiles widely, crossing his legs.

"You shouldn't go around making propositions to taken guys if you aren't willing to face their boyfriends for it, you know?"

"It wasn't a proposition." Nigel says very fast. "I just wanted to tell you how I felt so that I could move on."

"Well, if that's all you wanted, I'm sure you won't mind Sebastian just walked in."

"Very funny, Blaine. I know he's been nice, but it doesn't mean I want to risk it. I know that he knows I'm not really bothered by his names, and I think fancy mouse it's actually a cute nickname, but I'm not sure I want to know what comes next. It could stick."

"Moth, probably." Sebastian points out, and Nigel turns in a half jump. "Or anything else that's ugly, fastidious, and attracted by things much brighter than them." Blaine enjoys the fun behind his coffee as Nigel dissociates and Sebastian slides next to Blaine. "Not that I would ever call you that, I'm a reformed man. Wish I could say the same of you, Nigel. I've met you while you were getting my man's number, and now here you are eating traditional New Year's breakfast with him. Which, by the way?" Blaine smiles when Sebastian turn to him. "You spoiled for me." He's beautiful. "Hi."

"Hi." Blaine says under his breath before kissing Sebastian. "I'll make it up to you." he promises on his lips, and Sebastian kisses his cheek, an innocent thrill going down Blaine's spine.

"Okay, fine. Got my clue." Nigel says, and Blaine maybe should feel a bit guilty for the ambush, but it's not like when he told Sebastian he'd find him at the Diner Train he knew he was going to receive a confession.

"Bye, Nigel." he says as kindly as he can, and Sebastian actually smiles to him when he waves goodbye.

"Want some?" Blaine asks passing Sebastian his cup as soon as he can, because he likes to show off. "There's real whiskey in it."

Sebastian looks him up and down.

"You're wearing your High School jersey."

"Precisely." he smiles. "It's a good conversation starter. I just like to relieve my old glory days, you know?" he flirts his way trough the end, and Sebastian gets the cup from his hand.

"You're devious."

"Look who's talking."

"At least I look the part."

"Why? What do I look like?" he asks a breath away from Sebastian's mouth.

"You know damn well what you look like, Annie."

Blaine kisses him, feeling Sebastian's pulse in his neck where it beats against his wrist. He curls his fingers on the nape of Sebastian's neck, and even if it's short, and sweet, or maybe because of it, Blaine feels a little bit high.

"Sebastian?" he asks when they part.

Blaine could get drunk on the way Sebastian looks at him.

He hopes the way he looks at Sebastian is enough to get him at least tipsy.

"Yeah?"

"Mh?" he asks, and Sebastian laughs.

"Did you want to tell me something?"

Blaine feels himself blushing, and he swallows when Sebastian's eyes fell to his throat, where his shirt is unbuttoned. There's some advantages to being a chest blusher.

"If I did, I forgot." he says earnestly, and Sebastian looks up at him and smile.

It's a smile Blaine could stare at for all the tomorrows to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 00.48 and I've been furiously editing and rewriting this for a week. I've never felt better writing something, so I hope you enjoyed reading this half as much as I did pouring this out.  
> Any poor grammar will be edited at a decent hour tomorrow, but what matters is that my heart is finally out.
> 
> If you want to let me know something about this, please let me know! I'm also over at seblandersmythe on tumblr and twitter if you'd like to see hi or catch me live writing in a delirious state ♡


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